Hi my name is Bob/Emma and this is a short story about myself and most of all to thank and praise for all the help that Diane and her team at the Prestwich branch of Transformation that have helped me to understand the feelings in my mind and body of being a female trapped in a male body for the last 45 years plus ,with no one to talk to or to understand me as there was no internet to find out about things.
Thinking back when I was a child and growing up into my teenage years I loved looking at my mums mail order catalogue pretending I was looking at toys but really looking at women’s underwear shoes and dresses. At that time in my life I suppose I thought that was normal but maybe not the right thing to be looking at I never told anybody not even my brother.
At school at break time i was always with the girls I enjoyed their company more then the boys and I did not like any male sports football rugby etc and still don’t today.
As time went on and I started work as a mechanic in the car trade as I loved cars. This is a very male trade but I got on ok but I never joined in going out with the lads for a drink .
I found myself more at ease with the girls on reception, they all loved me because I was and have been all my life kind and gentle and very loving and never swear. As you know in workshops there is always a calendar with naked young ladies on when I looked at them the male in me said she was gorgeous but also the female side of me said I wish I looked like them I still feel that way today but more so.
I got married in my early twenties which was the thing you did. This gave me a great opportunity to put my wife’s undies and clothes on while she was out.
I started buying my own bra and knickers and and would put them under my work clothes and this felt great.Wearing women’s clothes or underwear then was mostly called crossdressing or being a transvestite but I felt I was neither of these. I was something else, I was different but who do I talk to, there was nobody.
Maybe I got married too early in my life as after 6 years I got divorced. I think maybe that was my fault as I love talking to woman and my wife was very jealous. I told her that i just liked talking to women and there was nothing for her to worry about but she did not know about me wearing women’s clothes.
I got my own flat and my own garage and that’s where I met and fell in love with my second wife. We got married and and have two beautiful daughters 20 and 24 years old and been together for 30 years.
My wife worked shifts and over the years I got plenty of chances of dressing up and being the woman that I wanted in my heart to be. I have built up a very large collection of clothes which i keep in the attic in the garage for example over 200 pairs of knickers 50/60 bras 20 pairs of heels which I love, dozens of pairs of stockings tights and hold ups, 8 wigs, 6 pairs of silicone breasts and lots more of tops /skirts/dresses coats and much more .
The years passed by we did all the things that family’s do and in the meantime still finding time to dress up but not as much still keeping it a secret until one day 4 years ago my wife and daughters went shopping together and I thought this is great a good chance to dress up and do some decorating dressed as Emma.
Then DIASTER struck, I heard the front door unlock they had come home early they changed there minds. Luckily enough I was on the landing looking in the mirror I always kept my male clothes in the bathroom just in case this happened.
And then it happened i had left a pair of knickers on the floor the only mistake i had ever made in all the years I had been dressing up. I always put on 3 pairs when dressing up as one pair does not keep you bits in place very well 3 is just right a girl cant have to many pairs of knickers. I was one pair missing.
I got dressed in my male clothes put my female clothes tucked under my shirt and down my pants then put them in a cupboard in the garage where i used to keep a case with my favourite clothes in then carried on working.
In the evening I asked my wife had she found some knickers on the landing she said I have put them in the washing bin why do you ask. At that moment I thought shall I say they are mine or keep quit . Well I said they are mine all went silent she was shocked.
We talked for sometime and her main concern was she felt cheated that all these years together she thought she had married a man and not a woman and always thought I was a man to love and rely and trust upon.
We had a long talk I said i am not a woman I am still Bob the man you married but i just love woman’s clothes and dressing up .The truth is I hate wearing men’s clothes. I just love the feel and all the huge choice of women’s clothing I did not tell her that at this time . 4 years have passed since that day it solved some issues but also made some worse.
Emma was free to be herself without keeping it secret from my wife she agreed that I could wear my female clothes when making tea or watching t v as long as the girls are not about but only now and then I said that’s great thank you .
What do girls do that make themselves more feminine ? You’ve guessed it they shave all their body hair off, shape and paint their toe nails red, polish there finger nails put woman’s deodorant on. I love that smell and sleep in their undies. I did all these but not all at once as this was not a good idea.
At this point my wife had enough she said that she could not carry on living in the house with with another woman which she referred to as my girlfriend it will have to stop or we split up.
We talked again I said I would move out and live on my own but she said don’t as she still loved me and wanted Bob back as he was try and sort Emma as she is ruining our relationship she is making you very selfish you are thinking about being female 24/7.
I am not selfish in anyway I love to give and to treat and love everyone in my life.
She was right i had to change the way that Emma had made me feel but for the better.
That’s 18 months ago and I tried to switch Emma off. I stopped dressing up and looking at woman thinking I wish I looked like them. The female body is just amazing, woman are fantastic too often taken for granted and they can make babies how fantastic is that and I wanted to be one.
Most days I would feel mixed up and being pulled one way and then the other I can understand being transgender is why some people do self harm and take there own lives I said to myself I need help.
I went on line looked at many sites and then I plucked up the courage and one day phoned Transformations. Diane answered the phone after a long conversation I knew she understood how I felt and was there to help me I love her and her voice I could talk to Diane all day.
Diane recommended that I go on a course of hormones, I was a bit sceptical and cautious as I have read about them some good and some bad reports but I trusted her and placed an order.
The following day they were delivered to the garage where I work.
It’s the best thing I have ever done. WOW they are amazing they take away that feeling of being pulled male to female which very hard for other people to understand. They make me feel female and the Emma in me very happy and content i have been taking them for over 12 months now and my skin is softer. My nails are long and strong and my breasts have got a bit bigger. Still a long way to get my 38dd which is my dream maybe one day I might have implants.
Its taken 4 months and now I think i have found the perfect balance that keeps everyone happy.
Last December leading up to Christmas I plucked up the courage and went shopping with my 38 DD padded bra and breasts in and a tight top on all on show they look and feel fantastic, did my shopping and then changed back into my male clothes in my car.
I thought I cant believe I did that a few days later i did the same again but this time with woman’s ankle boots with 3 inch heels on. WOW the noise of the heels and bounce of my boobs felt amazing. I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that 12 months ago.
I do this 3 /4 times a week plus wear a bra to work every day. Emma is very happy and content . I have found that if I turn her off when I am at home and just keep Emma to be in my time going to work and back everything is fine.I still dress up at home when I can sometimes at 6 am before I go to work when there is nobody else up.
Well this short story has grown a bit this is only the tip of the iceberg there’s more to say, I could write a book.
My wife has not mentioned my female side for 4 months and I have never seen her so happy, we feel great together.
You might be asking where do I go from here well I would love to have a sex change if they were being given out for free I would be first in line to have it done.The biggest problem would be all the people in my life and their responses and making my family sad. Maybe one day. I would love to tell everyone at work but again I think they would be either very inquisitive or just not want to understand.
Last of all i think that if everyone could just wear what clothing they feel comfortable in be it male or female and not what society requires it would be a wonderful world . I Think that everyone has a little bit of transgender in themselves but just to frightened to explore it.
There is so much out there now that if I was in my 20/30s and felt like I do I would have a sex change without any doubt you never know in the future would it be great to be able to swap minds male to female female to male as that is where it all stems from it would save all swapping body bits ha ha..
I have no idea what it is like to be male one day I might get my dream body and get rid of my bits below which I hate .
I can’t thank Diane enough for all her help and advice she is amazing love her so much.
That’s it I wish I was a woman all my love to everyone who reads this I know what you are going through all my love Emma xxxxxxxxxxxxx would love to wear my 👠 every day if only i could, I was born for heelsxxxxxxxx