What is Transsexualism?
By Su Penn
I can't imagine the person ever seeming to me like the sex they want to be. It's hard to let go of our perceptions of someone we've known for a long time. Changes in a person's appearance and behavior can occur gradually, and may be difficult to perceive if you are in regular contact. But if you pay attention to how strangers react to the person, it may help you to see these changes. On the other hand, the gradualness of the change may help you to adapt to the new gender identity step-by-step. You may be surprised, in time, at how completely you accept the person's new chosen gender.
It is true, however, that some people who undergo gender transition will continue to have significant characteristics of their previous gender identity. Some male-to-female transsexuals, for instance, may be unusually tall for women, while a female-to-male transsexual may have small features. It may help if you avoid focusing on these specific things, but rather honor the person's chosen gender, and try to see them as they see themselves.
How can I support this person in their transition? There are many ways you can be helpful. Perhaps the most important is to convey your intention to be supportive to the person in transition. Let them know you want to be an ally, and ask them what they need from you. Then, to the extent you are able, offer them the support they've asked for.
We can offer a couple of specific ideas as well. First, you can adopt the use of the person's new name (if they've chosen one) and appropriate gender pronouns. This change can be uncomfortable at first, and you may slip up once in a while, but eventually this change becomes habitual and comfortable. This small but very important step will demonstrate that you take the person's decision seriously.
You can also try to maintain your previous relationship with the person, whether that's the intimate relationship of close friends or once-a-month bowling buddies. Gender transition is new territory for many people, and hence can be scary. "Hanging in" with the person in transition despite feelings of discomfort with the process can be a very supportive act.
Also, you may ask the person in transition how you can help in letting others know about their transition. They may want to tell people themselves, or they may be grateful for help "spreading the word." There may be certain contexts--the softball team, a church you both attend, or the workplace--where your assistance in telling others and expressing your support will be appreciated. Let them be your guide in this.
Related categories: Gender Resource Links
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