Coming to Terms With Transvestism
By Terri Conroy
I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist, so what gives me the qualifications to write about transvestism? I write purely from experience, having been a heterosexual transvestite for many years...
I first discovered the pleasure that cross dressing gave me during my early twenties, when I secretly donned some of my wife's underwear. The effect was immediate and resulted in an uncontrolled ejaculation, which in turn left me with a feeling of guilt and disgust.
However, the desire to wear women's clothes became so great that those secret flights of fancy continued whenever the opportunity arose.
Also I had become more adventurous and had purchased some clothing of my own: these of course had to be hidden, and so deceitfulness was added to my list of sins.
Over the next ten years I was becoming increasingly frustrated by the enforced limited duration, and lack of opportunities, for my trips into my alter ego. Also I was becoming increasingly guilty about keeping the whole secret from my wife. So I decided to tell all, naively hoping she would understand and allow me to 'dress' at any time in the house.
It obviously comes as a great shock for a wife to discover that her husband likes to prance about in ladies' undies. She did, however, agree to give it a try and I dressed myself in a skirt and jumper, and a pair of mule slippers. At this time I used neither a wig nor make-up and I realise now what a bizarre sight I must have presented.
It was clearly not going to work, and if continued it would obviously cause a break up of the marriage. The only thing to do was to stop, put temptation behind me and live a 'normal', 'healthy' life - if only I had known then what I know now.
During the next twelve months or so I became more and more irritable and unreasonable until I eventually I suffered a near nervous breakdown, confessed all to my doctor and finished up in the psychiatric ward of the local hospital. All this eventually cost me my job and my marriage.
I will skip briefly over the next forty-odd years of my life, only to say that I did marry again, but this time I told my wife of my transvestite tendencies before my marriage.
Cross Dressing
On the whole it was a very happy partnership in all respects, my cross dressing continued but not in my wife's presence, and by arranging for her to have the odd week or two away on holiday now and then the frustration was contained. Although there were many times when I felt I must get away, the love for my wife was the thing that stopped me.
My wife has recently died and I now live alone which gives me the opportunity to dress all day, three or four times a week, within the confines of my home. I have braved the outside world on a couple of occasions in the past, but only for a few hours and much as I would like to live completely as a woman, at seventy years of age I feel the disruption to my life would be too great.
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