Will They Still Love Me After I Tell Them?

This is a guide to coming out to a partner, family, siblings, or friends. It is adapted from a workshop that I do at events and group meetings. It is usually interactive, but I think it translates fairly well to the web. I hope you find some help here.

By JoAnn Roberts

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When & How You Should Tell

When -

As soon as possible. Research shows that the longer you wait, the more negative the reaction. Ideally, tell before you get married, after that there is no "best" time. When you tell, your goal should be understanding of your need to express this part of you, not force acceptance. The setting should be intimate & private. You are going to deliver information, so have it ready. Don't flood them with too much information. Stop and wait for questions. Be prepared to stop completely if the reaction is shock. How -

Use positive terms. Don't say you have a "problem." Rather say, "I have something to share with you." Tell dressed in your regular clothes. Don't show up crossdressed. If they want to see what you look like, have a photo handy. I don't know the TV that doesn't have a photo of themselves dressed. Have quality info available. Don't use a TV magazine with personals, not even Tapestry or older issues of LadyLike with Personals. The presence of Personal Ads is a definite negative. Use Chrysalis, Cross-Talk, Coping With Crossdressing, or My Husband Wears My Clothes.

Suggest seeing a qualified counselor for impartial answers to difficult questions. Don't try to be an expert. Suggest talking to a partner or family member of another CD, if you have access to a support group. Discuss limits: where and when crossdressing is acceptable both privately and publicly; the role of crossdressing in the bedroom; and whether to tell others, including children, other family members and friends. Discuss the extent your partner is willing to participate in your crossdressing activities.

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