Downsized!
By Mary Ellen Powers
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The entire company was buzzing about the rumours related to our "downsizing". Everyone in my department was concerned whether we would have jobs when the process was completed by the middle of next year. My nerves jumped when I received a call from my boss, requesting that I meet with her tomorrow morning. I knocked on her door at exactly 9:00 AM and she asked me to come in and close the door behind me.
"Well, I'm sure you're aware of all the rumors Jim. It seems that everyone is talking about our downsizing efforts but no one really knows for sure what is really going to happen. However, I have some good news for you. Out of all the personnel in your area, you will still have a job."
"Gee, thanks Karen. I really appreciate you telling me this and I'm starting to feel better already", I said.
"There are some other important details, Jim. You must not reveal what I've told you to anyone. Also, starting tomorrow, you will report to the corporate gym. The Company wants you to loose weight, quite a few pounds from the looks of this report. I will keep tabs on your progress and we'll just go from there, okay?"
"Sure, Karen. That's all you want me to do? Go to the gym each day and loose weight?"
"That's right, Jim. And, it won't be any picnic either. The fitness trainer will be giving you a serious workout and a special follow her instructions to the letter."
"Okay, Karen, will do. And thanks."
The next day, I reported to the gym at 8:30AM and met Cindy, the aerobics instructor. After she checked my weight and took some measurements, she gave me some workout sweats and we began a series of light exercises. As the day wore on, the tempo of the workout in creased and I was weighed again at the end of the day. Every day, I went through the same routine; weight, measurements, then a light workout that increased and soon, I was doing high energy moves and my weight began dropping noticeably. In fact, one day, Karen popped in to see how I was doing. Cindy told her that I was her best student. When I started, I weighed close to 195 pounds and after three months of these exercises and the diet, I was down to 150 pounds and still dropping!
"He's doing very well, Cindy. You can begin the vitamin shots tomorrow", Karen said. "I didn't know Cindy could give shots, Karen. With all this exercise, do you think I really need vitamins?", I asked.
"Oh yes, Jim. You're going to need those shots more than ever now!", she replied.
"Okay. By the way, how's the downsizing program going", I asked.
"I'd say that everything is right on track", she replied. "In fact, I think that you're just about completely done being downsized", she added.
"Me? Downsized? I thought that it was the organization that was being downsized!"
"Oh, the organization IS being downsized, Jim. And, certain people who will remain with us are ALSO being downsized! Including you! There will be many changes taking place shortly and I want to make sure that you fully cooperate", she said.
For the next three months, my workouts were much less strenuous and I received daily doses of vitamins and weekly shots. Cindy demanded that I refrain from cutting my hair also.
"The Company will provide a hairstylist because we want to effect a totally new look among our employees", she said.
This sounded rather strange to me but I went along with it. After all, at least I still had ajob! About a month later, Karen asked me to see her in her office. I met her one morning and she complimented me on my "new" appearance. Then, she asked me to do her one small favor. She explained that the Company no longer wanted its employees to have excess body hair. For this reason, all employees were to have their excess hair removed. We could either have this permanently done or use depilatories temporarily.
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