Erotic Transformation Flow
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It was a week later that I saw Madamoiselle again. The soldiers' canteen was set up, and she was serving behind the counter. She instantly recognised me, and called me aside. Once again she invited me to call at the chateau. She even persuaded me to call that very night, which I did. I know that she was of a different class than I was: she would normally only associate with officers. But she told me that she thought our officers were just like little boys who liked playing soldiers, and I agreed with her. Of course I understood that she was not interested in having an affair with me, and I then realised that I had never had any interest in women. Still, so that the tongues were not wagging, I never told anyone where I was going when I called at Chateau Mallarmes. But she allowed me to call her Colette, and called me Antoine. Colette knew some English, but we mostly spoke French. She spoke several times about her feelings on the war. She said it was terribly wrong that young men should go off to get killed, as a result of what was really a silly game played by the crowned heads of Europe, and for reasons the soldiers on the whole did not even understand. This I saw quickly. I did not know exactly why we were fighting the Germans. I knew it had something to do with an Archduke being shot, but I could not say why that meant I was the trenches. It was fine for her being a woman, she said. She did not have to face the death and horror. But too many men were going through all this, and it was all wrong. And throughout those few weeks she gave me her support. She had seen I was different in temperament from all those other soldiers. She provided for me a safe haven where she could show me her drawings and play music on the piano. I was no expert in either, but loved to see and hear all this. During the day I even found it bearable. We were being trained in new tactics, for when we went back to the Front. Almost every evening I could, I went to Chateau Mallarmes. While the other soldiers went off drinking, or in search of women, I set off on the road from Eglise Saint-Martin towards the house. No-one asked me where I had been. No-one was at all interested. The house was a few miles out of the town. It may have been fairly large, but Colette lived there alone with Marie. All the other servants had left, either to go to war or because she could not easily maintain a large household. Some of the family's lands were being fought over by the two armies, and she had to make economies while the war was going on.
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