Charlene's Story (Part 2)
Since I wrote the original 'Charlene's Story' a lot has happened. I have been suffering from a debilitating illness that has left me unable to work at the job I normally do. I have therefore had a lot of time to myself, which has caused me to think a great deal about my life.
I have never actually liked the fact that, for whatever reason, I have never found work that allows me to express my feminine side. The jobs I have seemed to finish up with, as I look back, have all been 'drudge jobs' that require no imagination. I feel that the use of ones imagination is a great part of the TV side of life (What shall I wear? What would I look like in that set of undies? and so on). In the last few months it has been my privilege and pleasure to 'visit' many web sites and 'chat-rooms' on the Internet which are intended for the cross-dresser.
With the odd glaring exception (normally a 'basher' with nothing better to do than to spread bigoted, ill-informed abuse), these chat-rooms and web sites have been peopled by kind and sensitive men and women (!), who have been more than patient with my questions and my love of bad jokes. What has come from all this is that I now realise that it is possible to do something about being the 'wrong' person living the 'wrong' life.
(It makes me laugh to think that when I was at school and later at work I was the only person, or one of very few people, who weren't paying attention to what was going on, because I was busy thinking about satin and lace, not football, soaps and drinking. During my service in the Forces I would while away many a dull duty thinking about buying new lingerie when I was next on leave.)
In the last few months I have been thinking more about dressing fully, wearing wig and make-up, heels and stockings. It has become a small ambition to visit a club and meet other TVs to share our experiences. It seems that through the earlier years of my dressing in lingerie, I was limited in what I could imagine myself wearing because it's possible to 'conceal' lingerie under 'normal' clothes.
I have also now taken up correspondence courses in creative writing and computer programming in the hope that when, or if, I am fit to return to work, I can find something more satisfying and rewarding to do than manual labour. (All right, I also want to earn more than 'peanuts' so I can afford to dress more!)
It would also be good to be able to summon up more courage to be able to be the 'me' I feel I should be. That is another area in which chatting to other TVs has been of huge benefit. If you're as shy about your dressing as I am, you could do a lot worse than drop in on a TV chat on the Internet. You might even make some friends. You'll almost certainly find some encouragement and support.
Things like shyness and fear can be changed. I am beginning to change myse;f, and so can you. I don't expect a quick easy solution, but I can hope that 'someday' is closer than I thought.
Love, Charlene
Copyright © Transformation 2006
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