Diane's First Dress
By Diane Morrill
I was 10 when I first discovered the joy of donning a dress. It was white satin, the bodice trimmed with white feathers; it was long and strapless. The year was 1938.
Since age 5 I had many times rummaged through my older sister's dresser drawers for 'soft and feminine' things to soothe my aching mind and body - I had sorely wanted to be a girl, and experiencing the feel of silk panties and slips was intoxicating.
My favorite place to play was the attic where there were two, large cedar closets. The one at the top of the stairs was for seasonal clothes like heavy jackets and my father's WWI uniform; the other was tucked away in a far corner for clothes waiting for my younger sister and me to grow into. Since there were 10 years separating my sisters' ages, there were only winter coats and leggings for my younger sister; feminine fashions changed constantly even 'way back then,' so there was little of the 'feminine' there for me.
For years the only feminine attire that held any interest for me in the 'seasonal' closet were my mother's skirt-suits and dresses, none of which felt 'right' on me. My mother was very small and ultra-conservative, having come upon the planet before the turn-of-the-century. I remember the day, wet and blustery, when my best friend and I were in the attic playing. He had discovered my father's uniform and had put it on - I never had. As he paraded around the attic he came upon the other closet and opened the door. Something shiny-white inside caught my eye, so I went in and turned on the light.
Lo-and-behold, the closet was now filled with my older sister's evening gowns. I could hardly wait to try them on, but I was afraid at the time of what my friend might think of me. I knew that I wasn't 'normal.' The following day was a schoolday, and I had nothing else on my mind for the entire day but those pretty dresses. The energy rampaging through my body was exhausting, and the run home and to the attic did little to ease the excitement. Besides the cook who was preparing the dinner, I was the only other soul in the house so I raced to the attic, went into the far closet, turned on the light, closed the door and locked it from the inside.
I had found a New World to hide in. Moments later I was naked except for my socks which protected my feet from the wooden floor.
Copyright © Transformation 2006
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