Lynne's Story
By Lynne Blythe
Page [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 ]
Gradually I became better at making a reasonable appearance and, to cut the story somewhat shorter, started to go out dressed as a woman. What a terrifying thing it is to do for the first time ! However, I persevered and now manage to go out on occasions in reasonably good shape and appearance. I was quoted in "Femina" some few years ago as stating:
"The average person on the street seeing a woman walking towards them glances at her and then continues looking forward. The only time a woman gets a second, more inquisitive look from bystanders is if she is incredibly beautiful or grotesquely ugly!"
Perhaps both fortunately and unfortunately, I am neither! One very pleasant thing, which happens to me quite often, is to be addressed as "Madam". It gives me a wonderful feeling!
In my case I wear clothes suited to my age, not dowdy but fashionable. I have a wig with white hair, to suit my age and wear medium heeled shoes, very occasionally, high heels. In short, I think I look like the average middle aged woman in society. I enjoy knitting and have become quite competent. I would like to learn dress-making and this is one of my further aims.
By this time I had dug down deep into my subconscious and had stopped fighting the feelings which I had. I came to accept that deep in my subconscious and even in my unconscious mind, there is actually a woman in there. She is called Lynne. She is the woman who at all times is crying to get out and to be herself. She is always there, as I have already said, every minute of every day she is hammering to come out.
I have accepted her as being inside me and the acceptance of her openly in my life has made life easier. I believe I am a much more placid person because I am not fighting within myself. Living as a male my whole life has been an act. Can the reader even begin to try to comprehend what it is like to act every day? To dress like, and appear to all outward purposes to be a man is a great strain as I can never, as a man, show my true self.
I must always be on my guard to show the male persona and not the woman inside. However, when dressed in skirts, wearing make-up and looking good I am enabled to be my true self without having to act. What a tremendous relief it is to be able to act as my natural self! It makes Lynne a very placid person because at last, she can be her true self!
I have been greatly indebted to my eldest niece, now 48 years of age, who, after I told her about myself, insisted on meeting Lynne and who even now, is the only person in the know (unfortunately very few!) who actually accepts and treats me as a woman.
Lynne has most of the normal feelings of a woman, she is fairly soft and very tender hearted, she loves the finer things in life and dislikes the unseemly. She is moved to tears easily and quite often. She finds men quite attractive but only as Lynne and not as her male alter ego. She is ever present to some degree and when dressed she almost completely takes over. She always wishes she is shapely and slender, but knows that this can never ever be. She often feels envious, even now, of young women who have slender, curvy bodies and she longs to look the same.
She would love to be attractive and have people notice her as a woman, but at the same time she is glad, perhaps, that no-one pays her a lot of attention. This actually means that she is blending into society. She goes out to dinner, to shows, to the theatre and does most of the things normal women do. She is not a bad housewife and does quite a lot of housework. She often goes shopping and completely blends in with all the other women in supermarkets.
If I had only myself to consider, I would live out the rest of my life as the woman I know that I am. However, there are many others who would be affected by such a decision and it would not be fair of me to consider just myself, so it cannot be done. I shall just have to continue longing!
It seems as though, at long last, I have become as much of a woman as I will ever be able to be, and I accept that thankfully.
Page [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 ]
Copyright © Transformation 2006
0.178254842758
