As may be obvious to any TV, writing on this most sensitive of subjects is not an easy matter. I have decided to do so in an attempt to reassure those of you who think that what you are and what you do is ‘freakish’ or ‘weird’.
My story will, I hope, enable you to see that transvestism is part of what you are and that you are not the only guy who likes to dress in feminine clothing. It doesn’t matter whether you are a person who dresses and acts entirely as a woman, or like me, happens to enjoy wearing lingerie alone.
I first became aware that I was attracted to the idea of wearing lingerie when, in my early teens, my older brother was married. As money was short, the newly wed couple lived at my parents’ house until they could afford a home of their own. During this time, although I was aware of my fascination with female underwear, my actions in this area were confined to looking at pictures of models in catalogues and magazines. This is as far as I expected to get with what I initially thought of as a shameful and disgusting habit. The thing that I hadn’t considered in this was that although I didn’t realise it, the feelings of pleasure I got from imagining myself wearing the pretty underwear that these women were modelling, were a part of me.
It wasn’t too long before the inevitable occurred and I was left alone in the house. Although I was apprehensive as to the possible consequences, I still couldn’t resist going into my brother and sister-in-law’s bedroom to see what kind of underwear she liked. I couldn’t have been more surprised, in fact, when on looking through the wardrobe, I came across a couple of drawers full of my favourite sorts of lingerie.
I couldn’t believe it! Right before my eyes were all sorts of lacy goodies bras, panties, suspender belts, French knickers and so on, in a variety of colours and styles. Scattered around these beautiful things were a number of pairs of stockings, ranging from tarty black fishnets to pretty white lace-tops. Why I wasn’t caught touching and feeling these undies, I’ll never know, because while I was there I couldn’t think of anything else.
(That, I must say, has always been a major element of the fascination I have with women’s underwear. Some of my female friends who know other TVs have said that this is a common phenomenon. Men’s underwear, with the exception, I think, of silk boxer shorts just cannot compare with lingerie for tactile sensation.)
To cut a long story short, I took every opportunity to go into my sister-in-law’s underwear drawers after that. Inevitably though, it wasn’t long before looking and touching weren’t enough. I remember taking a conscious decision one day, that as soon as I got the chance, I would try on some of the lingerie, to see what it was like. Soon enough the day came when I was on my own in the house. Everyone else would be away for several hours so it was the ideal opportunity to actually do what I had only previously thought of doing. I recall creeping into the bedroom feeling very nervous, even though I knew that nobody would be in the house but me, and that everyone else would be out for ages. I found my breathing was getting difficult and my hands were trembling with a mixture of nervousness and excitement. I pulled open the drawer and picked out a red and black suspender belt, matching panties and a pair of stockings. Quickly I went back to my own room with my stolen treasures and proceeded to strip off, prior to putting on, at long last, the first lingerie I had ever tried.
From all those magazine pictures I knew that one put on the stockings and the suspenders first, so I sat on my bed and worked out the unfamiliar fastenings, first securing the suspender belt around my waist, then rolling the stockings up my legs. After finally working out how the clips on the suspender tabs worked and clipping the stockings up, I then picked the satin panties up, and slowly pulled them on, revelling in their beautiful smoothness, surprising after so many years of cotton.
The underwear didn’t actually fit me too well, but that didn’t matter as I looked in the mirror at how I looked, a slim figure in shining red and black lingerie, for the first time. From that moment I knew that this was ‘me’.
Throughout my teenage years I fantasised about having my own lingerie, but with the lack of money that youth normally bestows, my dream didn’t become a reality until I started work. When I started work I also discovered women and sex. I always longed to combine my secret passion with a physical relationship, but I never told anyone about my secret. In fact all was not so easy as it may seem, for I went through periods of denial, where I would throw my lingerie away and think I had conquered this desire, but it proved to be part of me and was not to be denied.
Now I am happily married to a woman who knows about my feminine side. I made sure that she knew all about my lingerie passion, since I wouldn’t want to go through the lies and deceit that inevitably follows any attempt to deny what is a powerful part of my life. In closing, I would say this to anyone out there who feels like some sort of outcast. You are not alone. You are who you are. Be very sure of anyone you reveal your self to. Finally, enjoy your passion and don’t be a prisoner of guilt!