Hello. You may have read my earlier true life experience in Jayne’s Story. Well, that was quite a long time ago, and things have changed a lot since then.
Although Marion and I were together for 7 years, we eventually parted as i always wanted to dress as a woman. I knew deep down that I was more than just a transvestite, and have wanted to be a girl for as long as i can remember. Even in junior school, I had a friend called Paula, and i was often invited to stay at her house. We would play with her dolls, and she would get me to wear her clothes, which I loved.
Her mother thought nothing of it, thinking I suppose only that ‘children will play’. If I stayed the night I would wear a nightie of Paula’s to bed. We had some fun times, as two girls playing girls’ games.
I would often try on my sister’s clothes at home – although big for me, I stillwore them. I would borrow my mum’s tights, and wear them whenever i could, and underwear too from my sister’s room. I even dared to put on nail varnish, but that ended in disaster, as I loved it so much I lost track of the time and my mum and dad came home. I changed, but had no time to remove the varnish. I made out that I had had an accident and it had spilled it on me. My father was not impressed and mum just removed it for me, and no more was said. I was about 12 then.
My early teens involved me still experimenting. At about 14, my cousin was staying with me, while her parents and mine went out to bingo for the afternoon. We were playing board games, and I brought the conversation around to girls clothes, and how it must be great to be able to wear skirts and dresses. She bet me I wouldn’t dare wear them myself, and of course I took her up on the bet.
I had borrowed a few items of my sisters before they had left home which now fitted me, and I had this nice blue skirt and white blouse in my room. I hurriedly changed into it and went downstairs to my cousin. She thought it was quite funny, but I stayed dressed and we carried on playing, unaware of the time. A car pulled up on the driveway, and our parents arrived home. I hurridly tried to change, and hid the clothes in the toilet downstairs. I made it just in time.
The next day I was confronted by my father holding the skirt and blouse in his hands, and demanding to know what was going on. He was furious, insinuating I had sexually interferred with Debbie. I was in tears, and said I liked wearing girls clothes, and wanted to be a girl. He stormed out of the house.
Mum comforted me, and spoke to me and I told her how i felt. She was very understanding and supportive, and has been to this day. She has been a real diamond. My father did not speak to me for ages. Mum tried to reason with him to no avail. He told my elder brother about it, thinking he would be horrified, but he came to see me a couple of days later to talk to me about it. He was married and had told his wife, and they said I could stay with them for a long weekend, and I could dress as a girl!
I had got a few clothes, and we made arrangments for the following weekend. My brother, said to be ready, dressed, Friday evening when our parents were out, and he would pick me up.
I was wearing a red dress that I loved, and some shoes I had brought a while back from a mail order catalogue. When the doorbell rang I was very nervous, but he said I looked nice. I had a wig of my mothers that she never wore, so looked fairly feminine.
I only took one set of male clothes to come home in, for my fathers sake, so he would not suspect – other than that I had my few girls clothes. I had a great weekend. My brothers wife put some make up on me which made the wig look much better, and we even went out shopping for a few hours!
They bought me some new clothes from a cheap shop – I loved them – and a few other bits. Monday came all too soon though, and I had to go home.
My father blotted out the incident with my cousin and nothing was ever said about it again. Things were a bit awkward for a few weeks but he eventually started talking to me again, although things were always a bit strained from then on.
I began to build up quite a collection of clothing, as I was doing a paper round and other jobs. Mum helped out as well, and even took me to get a wig, saying it was for a school play in which I had to play a girl! The shop assistant said that we would probably not want one that made me look too much like a girl, but mum said no, it had to be as authentic as possible, and I needed to look as much like a girl as possible. She was great.
She brought me a lovely wig which really did help transform me. She even came shopping for clothes with me, helping to purchase underwear for myself. She helped me buy my first real bra! I carried on dressing for many years, purchasing make-up as well, until I met Marion.
She came to live at our house – she worked at the same place I did, and was looking for a place to stay. One thing led to another, and we started a relationship. One day she came across my female clothing… I said it was my sister’s, but did not think she believed it. A few weeks later, she suggested I try on her clothes for a laugh, which I happily did, and I then told her I liked wearing female clothing. She said she had guessed by the clothes I had said were my sisters. She started to help me dress up occassionally.
We moved away from home, and it became more regular. This is where my other story came in.
As I have said, it was more than just occasional. I needed to dress and be a woman more and more, and eventually we parted. We’d had children together, and she felt that things could not go on that way, as I was getting moody and depressed if not dressed. I moved back home with my Mum.
My father had passed away two years previously, so it was just me and my mum. I was still dressing on and off, but the feelings were getting much stronger in me and I knew I really needed to be a woman. Mum was, and is, very supportive and said I could dress as I pleased, which made life so much easier.
I unfortunately became quite ill in late 1998, and was off work for 6 months, with severe fatigue as my doctor diagnosed. I was working on the Railway at the time as a train driver. I did return to work, but fell ill again within 5 months, and was sacked from the now privatised railway in August 1999. I was suffering from anxiety, fatigue and depression. I could not return to work for more than a year. I now have a job in retail – though not paying well, its a job, and i am looking for something more.
Around then is also the time that I started living full-time as a woman, other than at work. I long to tell them that I want to change my sex, but as I have not been there very long, cannot at the moment. I have yet to approach my doctor, but will do so very soon, so I can see about the change, as i am so much happier while in my female role and my health is much better. I know I still have a long way to go, but living full time is a great relief for me, and I go out all the time as Jayne.
Most of my family know of me, and a few friends. Just three good friends do not know the real me yet, but I will have to tell them soon, as it is only fair for both them and myself also.
I long for the day when I can hopefully become a full woman, and will be striving to my goal. I have recently made two very good and supportive friends from Peterborough, and if you are reading this, I would like to say a big thank you Marteena and Debbie. Thanks so much for your love and support. I can not express how much it has meant to me.
I hope i have not bored you all too much, but writing my experiences down helps to make me feel better in myself, and maybe someone may be able to find some similarities in their own experiences to mine.
I wish everyone well, and thank you for reading.
Love and best wishes, Jayne