Just Between The Two of Us


“I’d better explain who we are.”

“I’ll do the explaining, heaven knows what you’ll tell them.”



“Carry on.”

“Yes, Er…well…..er I’m David, a professional man, married with 4 children.”

“Honestly, you are so stuffy. They don’t want to hear all that nonsense. They’ll be interested in me, Maggie.”

“But they need to know our background, all the ‘whys’ and ‘wherefores’. Otherwise they won’t understand.”

“Nonsense. They’ll pick it up as we go along. He’s David, I’m Maggie. We share the same mind and body so we’re really the same person but fate decided that we’ve got the wrong sort of body, all those silly dangly bits between the legs. I’ve spent my whole life trapped inside a male body. There you are.”

“You do over simplify.”

“You try to make things so complicated. We’re in a fix. Even you really want to be me, but your ridiculous conscience and sense of obligation keep geeting in the way. Ever since you realised that I’m the true us, you’ve been in a constant funk.”

“I’m not surprised, you’re constantly dropping me in it.”

“Only because you really want to come out of the closet or rather live as Maggie. I can’t make you do anything that you don’t want.”

“What about the other day, when we were chatting with the typists?”


“Carolyn was talking about shaving her legs.”

“Silly girl. Waxing is so much better. It leaves a smoother finish and the hair grows back slower and finer.”

“I know. That’s what we told her and we got some very funny looks.”

“People are very funny about waxing. They’re afraid it’ll hurt. You know it doesn’t.”

“You’re missing the point.”

“What point?”

“Are you deliberately trying to wind me up? There we were, in full flow about how smooth it leaves your legs and then you start on about electrolysis. I suddenly realised that all three of them were staring at us.”

“Well I was only giving her the benefit of my experience. Neither hurts, do they?”

“That’s the point that I’m trying to make. Men aren’t supposed to know about things like that.”

“You do.”

“Yes. But….er….Well you’ve got to be more careful what you say. You’re always us in it.”

“But it was fascinating, a real girl to girl chat. I didn’t realise how little other women knew about it. Anyway you were enjoying it as well. You just turned off and let me get on. You’re being very over sensitive. They didn’t notice anything. You’re imagining things again.”



“Don’t you believe it. Ruth and Pat stopped typing and were watching me, I could feel their eyes boring into me. And it wasn’t because I’m the boss, either. We won’t be so lucky next time”

“Calm down, you do panic! I’ve got to take every chance that I get and you do enjoy our days out together. I know that you’re wound up about Jayne, but I don’t have too much sympathy after she called me a pervert.”

“She didn’t understand.”

“Yes, that’s something else we’ve got to sort out. I know she’s not well but this sneaking about is so demeaning. I’m sure I wouldn’t want my husband to have to go off, not telling me where he is.”

“She doesn’t understand.”

“Just like a man. My wife doesn’t understand me. She doesn’t want to understand. She wants her old fashioned dependable upright David. Boring to the last. Hair cut in a particular way, always dressed in blacks or greys with a white shirt and bonking on Wednesdays and Saturdays. She wants a conventional husband and damn to what we want.”

“You’re not being fair.”

“Fair! Fair!!! What about me? I’ve put up with you for far longer than she has, not to mention 24 hours a day. And the sacrifices that I’ve had to make to your male ego, over the years. All I get is a few hours here and there, like some second rate mistress. It makes me want to scream.”

“But she was so upset when I told her about being a TV.”

“Yes and that’s another thing. No mention of me. I can’t help being trapped inside a man’s body.”

“And I don’t like being what I am.”

“But should we have told her half a story, like that?”

“Well it was your fault we had to tell her at all.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you hadn’t left that sticker on the order we sent off to that mail order catologue.”

“That skirt and top were gorgeous, it was a shame they were out of stock.”

“Yes and they sent the cheque back to her, that’s when she began to suspect there was another woman.”

“I was furious about that, she kept the cheque. I could have spent the money on something else. It was just as much your fault, we filled the order form in together, you should have taken it off.”

“We can’t go on like this, everyone will think we are barmy. And I’ve got to break off now, these bra straps are cutting into my shoulders.”

“And that’s another thing. You are going to have to look after our body a bit better. We’ve going to have to lose at least a stone and it’s time you stopped smoking. It’s bad for us.”

“You’re right and I know that we’ve got to get things sorted out. Can we talk on another day?”

“I quite enjoy our little chats, it’s nice reading what we’ve said. See you later, David.”

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