You Can’t Fight It So Accept It
I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist, so what gives me the qualifications to write about transvestism?
I write purely from experience, having been a heterosexual transvestite for many years.
I first discovered the pleasure that cross dressing gave me during my early twenties, when I
Secretly donned some of my wife’s underwear. The effect was immediate and resulted in an
Uncontrolled ejaculation, which in turn left me with a feeling of guilt and disgust.
However, the desire to wear women’s clothes became so great that these secret flights of fancy
continued whenever the opportunity arose.
Also I had become more adventurous and had purchased some clothing of my own: these of course
Had to be hidden, and so deceitfulness was added to my list of sins.
Over the next ten years I was becoming increasingly frustrated by the enforced limited duration,
And lack of opportunities, for my trips into my alter ego.
Also I was becoming increasingly guilty of keeping the whole secret from my wife. So I
Decided to tell all, naively hoping she would understand and allow me to ‘dress’ at
Any time in the house.
It obviously comes as a great shock for a wife to discover that her husband likes
To prance about in ladies undies. She did, however, agree to give it a try and I dressed
Myself in a skirt and jumper and a pair of mule slippers. At this time I used neither
A wig nor make-up and I realise now what a bizarre sight I must have presented.
It clearly was not going to work, and if continued it would obviously cause a
A normal healthy life-if only I had known then what I know now.
During the next twelve months or so I became more and more irritable and unreasonable
Until eventually I suffered a near nervous breakdown, confessed all to my doctor and finished
Up in the psychiatric ward of the local hospital. All this eventually cost me my job and my marriage.
I will skip briefly over the next forty odd years of my life, only to say I did marry again, but this time
I told my wife of my transvestite tendencies before our marriage.
On the whole it was a very happy partnership in all respects, my ‘dressing’ continued but not in
My wife’s presence, and by arranging for her to have the odd week or two away on holiday now
And again, the frustration was contained. Though there were many times when I felt
I must get away, the love of my wife stopped me.
My wife recently died and I now live alone which gives me the opportunity to
‘dress’ all day, three or four days a week, within the confines of my home. I have braved the
Outside world on a couple of occasions in the past, but only for a few hours and much as I would like
to live completely as a woman, at seventy years of age I feel the disruption to my life would be too
great. So, having spent about fifty years seeing doctors and psychiatrists, taking tablets, considering
suicide and doing other daft things, I offer the following as a possible aid to understanding
transvestism , facing up to it and removing some of the guilt and shame you may feel in
succumbing to your sexual fantasies; I hope it is of some help.
What determines our personality? Our gene’s, our upbringing, our experiences, our environment, all
Play a part in determining the type of person we are. A traumatic experience can change our
Outlook on life but it is our basic personality or character, call it what you will, that determines
Our reaction to these things.
To life in general, others are more submissive, and given the same environment and upbringing
Will react differently to the same set of circumstances. The point is: there are a number of
Inborn basic characteristics that do not change irrespective of any other outside influences,
They merely determine our reaction to them. Our sex is determined by our genes, so why
Should our sexuality not also be determined by some other factor in our genes, making us
Either heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. I do not believe that one becomes homosexual
Or bisexual as a result of some outside influence.
Carry this theory a little further and consider the cartoon character who believes he is
Napoleon, or the Elvis fan who dresses as and mimics his idol. These are fanatics who so
Worship their idol that they want to be that person. It is an inborn need to become the
Object of their desire, lets say the ‘wannabe factor’ BINGO you have a perfect recipe for
Are we abnormal?
In terms of what is socially acceptable, yes we are abnormal, though the size of the
Mail order and personal shopping market that thrives on us indicates we are fairly
Large percentage of the population. We were born with a deformity, (yes I do believe
the problem is genetic) as others are born with physical or mental disabilities.
While they are partially accepted into society, depending on the degree of their disability, we
Don’t fit into a convenient slot and society, on the whole, does not know how to deal
We are an embarrassment and therefore become the subject of snide jokes, ignored
In the hope we go away or, in extreme cases, hounded out of town.
Unless you are fortunate enough to have the right stature and features and can pass
Fairly easily as a female, it means the only outlet for us is in the confines
Of our home- we must not be found out, we would become an outcast.
Should we feel guilt or shame?
Providing what we do harms no other person, either physically or mentally, there
Should be no rational reason for felling guilty. Neither should we feel ashamed of what
We are, but unfortunately we feel ashamed of other people’s perceptions of us.
Should we have the courage to ‘come out’ as many do and eventually become, if
not totally accepted, tolerated, our guilt and shame would disappear.
But this is the real world and unless you are fortunate enough to be able, physically,
To pass as a women then the stress and strain of continually being looked upon
As a freak may mean we have traded in one set of problems, only to be confronted
I’m sure we all often feel the frustration of having to limit our activities to the confine
Of our home and would dearly love to ‘come out’ and damn the consequences.
If only we could be found out and the decision made for us, life would be so much easier.
But beware, speaking from experience I can tell you that unless you intend to go all the way
Being accidently found out only compounds the problem and you can be left with the task
Of having to rebuild your life. My advice to any of you having my courage to ‘come out’
Is, do it sooner than later, it will never get easier.
I can look back to when I was about five or six and remember the fascination I had with
Young ladies and girls, which of course, could be said to be quite normal. But I can
See that what I felt was different. I seemed to envy their femininity.
What must be appreciated is that although cross dressing is something from which we
Derive great sexual pleasure, which if it culminates in masturbation or intercourse can be
Satisfied to the extent that the urge to do so is reduced temporarily, it will return in a
Relatively short space of time.
The major part of your life is dominated by this desire for femininity and I can
Assure you it does not go away. The intensity may diminish to some extent but the ability
To obtain some respite is also diminished as we become less virile, (the pain is still there
But the painkillers are less effective). If my sex drive was reduced to zero I would still
Want to be a woman. I am afraid we must all find our own salvation, some may be lucky and
Find a satisfactory solution, but whatever you do, try to obey the following:-
- The golden rule. Don’t harm other person, either physically or mentally.
- Know yourself and be honest with yourself.
- Don’t feel guilt/shame; accept yourself for what you are
- Don’t marry unless you find a partner who is prepared to accept you
- If you do decide to come out and/or have the op do it sooner.
The compulsion to ‘dress’ transcends all other considerations and this is where we must
Be careful that our actions do not have a damaging effect on our lives, or on the lives
Of those dearest to us. In these circumstances the quick temporary solution is, to put it bluntly,
Masturbation. But this is not what we want, we want to savour the feeling of being dressed
As a woman and we want the feeling to last, not suppress it.
It is in these moments of almost fanatical desire to satisfy our obsession that one must
Be thankful that we are neither rapists or paedophiles.
These people are obviously driven by an uncontrollable urge to act in the way they do,
Unfortunately their actions have a serious effect on other peoples lives and therefore
They must be forcibly restrained from the ability to do so.
Thinking along these lines, and no doubt we all do at times, can make us feel what a thin
Line we tread between the obscene and the deviate. Much as we rightly revile the actions
Of these people, we have a far better understanding of the emotions that drive them to commit
Do not despair or castigate yourself for having this affliction, and affliction it is; at least
We can live a normal life in all other respects and the worst that can happen is we
Become the object of ridicule.