Self Portrait In A Straw Hat

Self Portrait In A Straw Hat


Self Portrait in a Straw Hat
Self Portrait in a Straw Hat

On my infrequent visits to London whenever I can steal a few moments for my private pleasure, I pay a fleeting visit to the National Gallery and head immediately for the same room. There on the left, just as you enter is a small canvas painted by Elizabeth Louise Vigee Le Brun a French  female artist who lived from 1755 – 1842 in Paris. I know very little of her life or of her other paintings. The National Gallery possesses one other painting by her but it does not compare in merit with her self portrait wearing a straw hat.




She stares straight out of her portrait at the viewer. Her expression is challenging. There is a half smile about her lips and her eyes are clear, almost calculating as she gazes into what I presume is a mirror. She holds the palette in her left hand protruding through the hole and the bulk of the palette resting on her arm.


But the painting is not being done at the moment depicted. No woman would risk spoiling her clothes without a smock to protect them. She so obviously enjoys being a woman and wearing her finery. He depicts herself in a dusky pink low cut dress with a gathered bodice and trimmed with a white satin ruff with an engaging ribbon in a bow between her breasts, the outlines of which are just visible beneath the folds of her dress. From her appearance I would guess she was about 20 years old when she painted the portrait but it has the style and professionalism of someone twice that age.


But the glory of the painting is the hat. It is a wide brimmed straw hat turned up slightly on the right to give a debonair appearance to the wearer.


What so captures my appearance is the triumphant femininity of Elizabeth Louise. She lived at a time when it must have been exceedingly difficult for any woman to make a living independently in a man’s world but her she is , full of self confidence in her powers and skills as a painter, challenging the world with a painting of superlative merit and sure technique and at the same time depicting herself  as a beautiful and desirable woman. If I has been a man I might have fallen in love with her.


But I am not. What I can  do instead is to think of her when I dress. To assume some of her self confidence and see myself as her looking out of that painting into the world with confidence and unafraid.


I once cherished the dream of finding clothes similar to those she wears in the portrait so that I could look in the mirror as she did and hopefully see the same woman returning my scrutiny with that half amused smile. Perhaps one day I will.


Meanwhile she inspires me and fills me with a feminine confidence that I would not otherwise enjoy and so on every visit to London I pay homage to my predecessor and silently commune with her spirit.



Cathy’s Story (Part One)

Cathy’s Story


janBecoming a middle aged girl…

Although I have wanted to dress up as a woman for most of my life, I never really had the nerve to do it. Friends, family and work colleagues had occasionally ridiculed transvestites when stories appeared in the press.

My mother (whom I believe suspected I was a bit of a girl) would make announcements occasionally such as “I would be devastated if one of my sons were gay or effeminate”. As a young man this did nothing to help with my growing desire to dress up as a girl. I don’t think I’m outwardly effeminate and I know I’m not gay as I’m not attracted to men. However, I really do admire woman, I like their fashions and hair styles, and like real women I know I can enjoy dressing like that as well.

I’ll avoid all the psychology and the ‘why do I do it’ soul searching, all I know is I want to do it and it is only fear of society and my peers that made me try to suppress my cross dressing desires. Last year I decided I was going to do it for real, my urge to dress up and impersonate females had only become stronger over the years so one day I made the decision to become the transvestite I knew I was.

I still remember the traumatic afternoon I told my wife, the news went down very badly, but I wanted her to know the truth. Despite the bad reception to my confession I can still vividly recall the next few hours as I shaved my legs and chest, I really felt this was it – I was finally going for my long held dream to appear as a female.

I should point out that for me I wanted to go the whole way when I dressed up, I wanted everything, shaved body, cleavage, breasts, full make up, tights, dresses, high heels, and wigs.

I wanted no half measures, if I was going to pretend to be a woman I wanted to look and feel as close to being female as I could possibly achieve.

I think I am partly female as I certainly felt very comfortable creating my female body shape. I loved wearing the silicone breast forms more than I could ever have believed. Shaved legs and a smooth hairless chest are just such a sensational tactile feeling that I don’t think I can return to having a hairy body again.

After the initial shaving, it does not take too long to keep your body shaved. I find I now enjoy having a bath and shaving my legs and I’ll admit I love rubbing in all the moisturisers I now use every day, it’s a girly thing but I love it!

As I approached the point where I finally became a practicing trannie I discovered the Transformation web site and realised this was it! I could order make up, shoes, dresses – and of course my delightful discovery of silicone breast forms – and it would all come mail order, no nervous shopping expedition.



I have only dressed up en femme on ten occasions and I realise that I do not make a very convincing woman at all. This is a little disappointing as after a lifetime of waiting I thought with a bit of make up, a nice wig and dress that I could immediately look female.

Not so! I understand that I need a lot of practice and I need to learn the skill of applying make up.
I enjoy wearing make up and I get a little better every time but I have a long way to go. At first I just loved piling make up on and wearing tons of it, and I mean tons of it! It was very exciting to finally put it on my face. I’m calming down now and I’m still trying to use what is just enough to look convincing. I do enjoy that moment when I start to put on my foundation,

I love the perfumed smell and feel of it as it covers my male features. My favourites are mascara and lipstick, I very much enjoy wearing both on my face.

My favourite moment comes when I’m finally made up, I have put on my female underwear, my temporary breasts feel good in their supporting bra (occasionally I go braless), my smoothly shaved legs are sheathed in nylons, I’m wearing a form fitting short lycra dress and I’ve slipped on my high heels

I then put on my wig and I experience a real thrill at suddenly becoming a woman, it is simply a wonderful personal moment!

I’m only an impersonator of women and I’m not good at it, but I want to be good so I will carry on trying to refine my female alter-ego Cathy and who knows maybe one day I’ll finally be mistaken for a woman, that’s my dream. I was fortunate that I reached a stage in my life where I had enough money to indulge myself and buy all my female clothes and accessories.

I now understand that what is important is not really how convincing you look as a woman, but enjoying the whole dressing experience. You don’t have to look sensational, you don’t have to go the whole way, just do what you want and enjoy it, I absolutely adore it!

I enjoy dressing up and pretending to be female and for me it makes me feel soft, warm, and relaxed. It is a very tactile experience and after my years of suppression my confidence has been boosted by finally exploring my feminine side.

If you are like me and suppressed your transvestite nature then I can only say: give it a go at least once, it really is wonderful to do, I’m sure you will enjoy it as much as I have.

Be true to yourself, we only live once and in the grand scheme of things, with some of the horrors going on in the World today, dressing up as girl is not really a bad thing by comparison.


Bye, Cathy XX

Emma’s Story – Holy Grail



I had agreed to go training with my job in the south of England. This would take me away from home for two weeks. I leaped at the chance as I do not get the opportunity to dress up that often and these times away from home are ideal. My mind went into overdrive as I plotted how to buy the gear and what I was going to choose. I had two weeks to plan and execute a military style project to re-wardrobe myself. As with many transvestites I had bought and discarded my clothing, make-up and cheap wigs on many occasions. As I set out planning this trip it was likely to be no different. I had cause to go into work for an hour but stretched it out for a whole afternoon to go ‘girlie’ shopping. I’ve used the term in my mind before to justify my need to cross-dress. This often helps me make up white lies to explain away why I might be buying a lovely skirt or fitted blouse.frilledblouselacyskirt

My first visit was to buy some lingerie. I found the most beautiful bodice and knickers in a deep purple and black. A lovely set of stockings would set it off a treat. My story of an anniversary present worked perfectly as ever. I often find a desperate urge to literally tell the assistant the true story and see their faces. I resist as I think it might shock them into an early grave. Oh well onto look for a blouse and skirt. I knew the skirt I wanted, short in black suede with possibly a small split. As no doubt many of you have found, we transvestites cannot be too choosy sometimes. However I found a fabulous leather skirt, size 14 (just me) no split but just above the knee for £14. Since it should have been £50, I took it. This time it was a birthday present for my wife. I trawled round for a blouse but couldn’t see any that would either fit or look good. In the last shop I visited I immediately went to the reduced rack and saw the most gorgeous ‘bolero’ style Chinese blouse. It was also a size 14 though I usually need a 16 but at £10 it was a must, especially as it was £65 to start with.

Well I had the garments and well great. So what do I do now? My recent ventures into the world of cross-dressing had been pretty good. I was now, however becoming a bit picky about the cosmetics I bought. It has to be Maybelene or Max Factor. I feel that if I want to pass I should look the best I can. My favourite purchase was Maybelene’s Watershine Diamond lipstick and I am sure the cashier thought something was odd. I have to admit walking out a bit exhilarated at the thought of someone guessing. So now I had the clothes and the cosmetics, all I needed was the wig and I would be happy. The only question was how to get it. Do

I use my previous reason “A stag doo to Amsterdam dressed as women”����

It was at this point I re-visited the Transformation website for the umpteenth time. I browsed the shop links and drooled. I looked at all the wigs and dreamed of which I would choose if I could afford them. Then I found the shoe link and though how fabulous to have a pair of ‘Penny’s’. I could not believe it as I realised I was then wishing I had a pair of my very own breastforms. This was further than my mind had ever wandered before. I could feel nervous sensations in my tummy that was simply exciting.

“Right, I’m going to do it”. I consciously decided to visit a Transformation shop. My local, although 40 miles away is only 7 miles from work and we employ a 1000 people so that was out. I decided to go to the Birmingham branch on my way down south. A perfect location as it is just off the M6/M5 on my way to London. Then I thought “why not go to the London Euston shop”. I’ll park at Watford and get the train right to it. As with everything I do it was military precision. Out at 5am, Watford at 8.30am, train at 8.50am, Euston at 9.10am, 2 hours in shop, train back at 11am and onto my destination of Basildon for 1pm. I had the ticket for the train and it was a perfect journey up to Milton Keynes, I was ahead of schedule. My heart had been pounding all the way down at the sheer excitement. But it took 2.5 hours to go 160 miles and another hour to go 20. I was so depressed. Anyway I managed to get the 9.18am train and got to Euston by 9.45am. By now I was dizzy with excitement and desperate to get into the shop. I could actually feel myself going light headed as I neared my holy grail.



I exited Euston Station onto Eversholt Street and turned left. I kept saying “just walk in, just walk in” but as I neared I started getting very scared. What if someone is watching or taking photographs. Well I couldn’t do it and I walked on the other side past the door by about 100yards. I then got Dutch courage and turned on my heels, “just fu****g go for it yer weed”. As I turned there were about 4 people infront of me but I acted as normally as I could, walked up to the door and “My God, I’m in”.

Even now I cannot tell you how I felt, just emotionally overwhelmed. I could hear my heart sing and I was genuinely breathless with emotion. I spoke to Sally and Maggie and said “This is my first time and you are the only people in the world who now know what I do”. The both smiled so lovingly and asked me if I wanted a cup of tea, DID I..! It was Sally who looked after me and we talked for ages as I told her my life story, and it’s a long one (thanks Sally). I felt so at ease and soon realised I had a new TRUE friend.

Sally asked me what was the purpose of my visit and she showed me the wigs and shoes. I ended up buying a sexy strawberry blonde shoulder length bob and a pair of those Penny shoes with a perfect 2″ heel. At 6’2″ those would be just right. We then got talking about breastforms and Sally dressed me in a corset, bra and fitted the ‘crème-de-la-crème’ reactive breastforms. She pulled in the waist and for the first time in my life I arrived as a woman. I felt my whole world change before my eyes, but the sad fact was that the cost was a bit too much, for now. However I did go out with the cheaper foam ones to give the illusion. I could not thank Sally enough for the time she had spent with me. I had been able to share a wonderful part of my life with somebody. Until this moment I had felt like a bit of a freak.

My first visit to Transformation was wonderful and within a week I had visited a further two times and taken the chance of a changeaway on both occasions. Sally wasn’t in the following Monday but I saw a familiar face in Maggie. I was only visiting because I wanted to look around again and had no intention of a changeaway. However I kept thinking this would be my last chance for a very long time. Should I do it even though I would only get 2 hours? I went for it and Maggie took care of me as if I were her own. I won’t elaborate here but if you read the website on topic, that is just what I would write. I was overjoyed at the results and felt a million dollars walking up the stairs. I have always felt feminine and this has only helped to reinforce my feelings. Now I couldn’t wait for a second chance. Which would be much sooner than I thought�.

My second changeaway was even better as I had all the time afforded to me. By chance on my last day down south, I left Basildon very early so decided to go back on the spur of the moment. I had no other intention than to go for a changeaway again. It still exited me to walk in the doors but I now had no fears. Sally was in on this occasion and I was really pleased. My second changeaway was even better, no offence to Maggie at all. The dress we chose together and the underwear were perfect. Sally did my make-up as I asked, subtle and simple.

I have taken great care about learning how to apply make-up for over 10 years now. When Sally applied my wig I totally transformed. I could not even recognize myself, and I do not say that lightly. I was now as close to a real a woman as I had wished to be all my life. What was more worrying was that I looked better than my wife does. The most fantastic parts of the day were yet to come.

I had blokes in the shop eying me up all the time and I had one guy who took time to talk to me. He wanted to tell me how ‘fabulous’ (his words) I looked and could he look at what underwear I was wearing. I pulled up my dress, swishing my hips from side to side and played with my corset, panties, bra and stroked my size C boobs as if I were a flirty woman. The guy in question was obviously excited, touched me in various places and felt my boobs. I nearly fainted. I am not gay at all and will never try that side of life out, but the thought of being chatted up was thrilling and proof that I passed. . I felt like my world was complete.



It is amazing how things change. Not 2 weeks earlier my Holy Grail was to visit Transformation. Now my dreams had changed and I wanted to step out into the limelight, this was now my Holy Grail. Even at 6’2″ I have become quite convincing as a woman. I blame Sally completely for my newfound brazen attitude. I had never even told anyone of my desires until that Monday when I stepped in the shop at Euston.

In the following two weeks I stepped out (fully made up) of my hotel room every night and walked round the hotel and went for drives. I was careful to not be seen but to be truthful I wanted people to see me but if I didn’t make eye contact with them that was fine. At least I was as careful as I could be but when you step out in broad daylight someone is going to see you. This happened but the woman who saw me (not two feet away) looked up and then looked back down and carried on with her meal. If most didn’t see me they certainly heard me in those beautiful shoes as they made that sexy click on the pathways. To be honest I had female neighbours every evening I stayed and I was secretly desperate for them to walk out of their room at the same time I did to catch me dressed up.

It is amazing how things change when you face what you are and stop being embarrassed. For me this is so much so that I have made the decision to tell my little sister, of 31 years old. I always wanted to be her big sister not big brother; I hope she will be as open-minded as I believe she will be.

As I write I am planning how to break the news and we have already got the same day off together. She thinks were having a ‘bonding’ day, she even said “let’s do something really mad”, no word of a lie. What a surprise she is going to get when she finds out how mad. I have already worked out to tell her over lunch and have booked a hotel room to take her to so I can change for her. She will be amazed at the transformation but I am prepared for some denial and resentment in the early stages. I believe we will become closer than she can ever imaging. It is a pity I will never be able to share this with my wife. She would see such a caring, loving, sharing person; our marriage would be blessed, oh well�It is inspiring that my new dream (my ultimate Holy Grail) is to go out dressed up with my sister possibly round Soho, London or maybe the Gay Village, Manchester. I will do it one day but it will take courage.



At the top of my story I said that this trip was likely to be no different to any other. I could not have been more wrong and for the first time I will not be discarding what I have now come to accept as part of my life.

The Story Begins�..

Lots of love

Emma XXX

Jessica’s Story



This is the story of how Jessica gave her first college lecture. I am 41 yeas old and have been cross-dressing on and off since high school.

After several career changes I decide it was time to re-enter college and to get a degree in broadcast journalism. In May of 2003 I was taking a Sex and Gender class and accidentally let it slip on first day of class that I had some cross-dressing experience, while answering a question about how long it takes for a woman to apply make-up the. (My answer was a resounding 30 minutes.) After class I informed the instructor that not only did I have past experience but that I still do cross-dress. She asked me if I would be willing to attend class as Jessica and give a lecture on why I cross-dress. I agreed. On May 23,2003 Jessica gave a PowerPoint presentation on cross-dressing. Her story was very well received.

Before giving the lecture I e-mailed one of my friends who had tried to get Jessica to attend classes. I informed her that Jessica wan not only going to attend a class but was also to give a lecture. The following is her e-mail back.

‘Wow, congratulations! That should be a fun class. I’m proud of you for agreeing to do it. Is this a topic that is normally discussed each semester, or is it something that the professor added once you revealed that you cross dress?’

The instructor does talk about cross-dressing every time she teaches the Sex and Gender class and I have agreed to give the lecture again next fall. She also wanted to know if I had a lecture prepared.

I informed the class that I had been cross-dressing since high school and told them about several events that have happened to me. Here is part of what I shared with them.

After earning my first college degree in 1986, I got my first job for a small computer keyboard manufacture in Kimball, Nebraska. One day, another engineer and I mentioned that we have not seen the production floor manager for some time. Our secretary, Gail, informed us that he had been fired. When we asked hew how she knew, she informed us that if we would attend the Wednesday morning breakfast club we would be able to what was happening in the company.



jessica2.jpgThe only problem, we would have to come dressed as girls. For two weeks she kept reminding me that I needed to attend the breakfast club in a dress. I have to admit that I did chicken out the first week after pulling into a parking spot in front of the restaurant. The next week I waited until Gail had entered the restaurant. As I walked in I overheard her saying that I had chickened out again. The others told her turn around and she surprised to see me standing their, in a nice light blue dress. Since this incident I have appeared in a dress on Halloween, both at work and at square dances. I have also attended an office Christmas party wearing a nice black holiday dress with my nails done. I also informed the class that I have been kicked out of the Men’s Restroom while dressed as Jessica on Halloween and that real women have asked me if I needed to go and that it was ok to use the ladies room. In fact they usually need to use the facilities as well and usually go in together. Although not asked during the lecture I have been asked about restroom usage, my usual answer is that it is just as unnatural for Jessica to use the man’s room as it would be for my male self to use the ladies.

The day after the lecture, I received this e-mail from one on my Sex and Gender Classmates.

‘I just wanted to thank you so much for doing your presentation yesterday to the class. It was very interesting and it was great to meet Jessica! When you told us that that was your first presentation on that particular subject I was shocked! You did so good I thought you had done that a thousand times! You were calm collected and looked wonderful too! I thank you again for sharing your experience with me, I have always believed that the more people who learn about stuff they don’t know the more accepting everyone will be to each other. I hope to see Jessica in the future on campus.’

During June, I was enrolled in another class. As part of that class we were assigned parts of a play to read. Not knowing that I cross-dress, the instructor assigned a female role to me. He also assigned male roles to several of the women in that class. We were informed that we could ‘play’ the part. So on the day that we were to read the play, Jessica attended a class, the second time in three weeks.

In both cases, I was scheduled to work in the Media Production office after class, and I did not have time to change. I was pleased to discover that Jessica was received well and made to feel welcomed at work.

Jessica Cox.

Jayne’s Story

Jayne’s Story

I remember my first full day out as a woman – it was one of the most exciting days of my life.

I had been with Marion for about a year, and she had already found my clothes and make up which I thought I had hidden away out of sight. She asked me who they belonged to. At first I said they were my sisters, but seeing that she did not believe me, I told her the truth – that I really loved to dress and be a woman.

I was very surprised when she seemed to accept it, and we talked it over. After that, she even helped me with my dressing and make up. We often went out as sisters, shopping things, but it was only for a few hours at a time.

We had been to see her best friend, Samantha, in London a few times, and as a laugh Marion suggested I put on a skirt and top when Sam went to make the tea. When she returned, she thought it was funny, and she produced some make-up and applied it to me. I felt a thrill through my body, and we told her about my other self. I spent the rest of the visit as Jayne, only changing to go home. It was actually Sam who suggested we go out somewhere, all as girls, and it was agreed we would go to the coast.

We arranged to meet Sam at Charing Cross Station at about 8am, so Marion and I had gotten up before six. I had a quick bath and cleansed my skin, before choosing what I was going to wear for the day. It was the height of summer, so I chose a short, above-knee-length white skirt, and a short-sleeved white top, as Marion had suggested. Marion then set about putting on my make-up. I was in my early twenties, and fortunately did not have much facial hair, so we did not have to disguise it much. When she had finished, I put on my wig (which went below my shoulders, as long hair suits me better) and we set off.

I was on such a high, looking forward to the day, and a little nervous as well. Firstly, I would be Jayne all day, not just for a few hours, and secondly, Sam would be seeing me as Jayne fully dressed for the first time. I had that wonderfull feeling, which I am sure we must all experience, as we go out into the world as our female selves!

When we arrived at Charing Cross, Marion said to hide, while she went to fetch Sam. I walked towards them as they said hello, and greeted Sam. The look of surprise on her face was great, and she complimented me on how I looked, saying I looked very natural. She admitted that she hadn’t been sure about how I would appear, and had been a bit worried. But not now!

We had to go on the underground to Victoria Station, and decided to have a bite to eat in a litte cafe near the station. As we walked in, we attracted a few wolf whistles from some breakfasting builders, and one remarked at my short skirt, that it shouldn’t be allowed! We had a giggle when we sat down. They kept staring our way, and Sam said they were looking at me and commenting on my looks, as she had overheard them. Little did they realise! As we left, they said ‘bye, girls’ to us. I must have blushed!


At Victoria we boarded the train for Margate. As we walked along the platform, I loved the breeze that caressed my legs. I felt on top of the world, knowing that I had no choice but to be female all day. That was the whole idea, I had no male clothes with me at all. I clutched the strap of my shoulder bag, feeling so feminine. I had my make-up inside, just in case I needed a touch up! I opend the zip and checked inside, and saw my purse, keys, handkerchief and the cosmetics, and a pair of tights in case it turned a bit chilly.

The journey took about 2 hours or so, and as we left the train at Margate, the warm breeze again touched my bare legs. I just felt so happy. It was a warm sunny day, and we made our way to the beach. We sat on the sand for a while, then Sam suggested we go for some refreshment. McDonalds was chosen. Now, as I have said it was the height of summer, so many people were around, and I was passing so well, even getting some favourable comments from the boys!

Samantha was listening to what was said, and told me everything! It all made me feel so confident, and a thrill again ran through my body. We spent the whole day there until early evening, eating at a resturant, playing pool in the arcades, and riding the attractions in what was then called Dreamland. The only thing that did worry me was using the toilet, as we had to go to the ladies. I was a little concerned, but need not have worried, as Sam had said.

She seemed to be enjoying the day as much as me, I suppose she liked knowing what others did not! We talked about all sorts of Girl things, and it was a wonderful time.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and we made our way back to the station. When we arrived back at Victoria, Sam suggested we go back to her place as, her mum was away for a few days – we would have the place to ourselves. Marion and I said we would not be able to get home after, but Sam said we could stay the night. But what about the morning – I would have to wear the same clothes! We agreed I would borrow a dress from Sam as we were the same size.

Arriving at her place, we had the rest of the evening to talk and laugh around. It was about 2am before we went to bed, Sam lent me one of her nightdresses to wear. It had been a great day and night!

In the morning, we did not have to rise too early. I was made up by Sam, and she styled my wig in a different way. She loved to do it for me. At about 11, we had to go home, and Sam came to the station with us. She gave us both hugs and kisses, and told me she enjoyed meeting Jayne, and hoped to do so again.

She did…


Jayne’s Story (part 2)

Jayne’s Story


Hello. You may have read my earlier true life experience in Jayne’s Story. Well, that was quite a long time ago, and things have changed a lot since then.

Although Marion and I were together for 7 years, we eventually parted as i always wanted to dress as a woman. I knew deep down that I was more than just a transvestite, and have wanted to be a girl for as long as i can remember. Even in junior school, I had a friend called Paula, and i was often invited to stay at her house. We would play with her dolls, and she would get me to wear her clothes, which I loved.

Her mother thought nothing of it, thinking I suppose only that ‘children will play’. If I stayed the night I would wear a nightie of Paula’s to bed. We had some fun times, as two girls playing girls’ games.

I would often try on my sister’s clothes at home – although big for me, I stillwore them. I would borrow my mum’s tights, and wear them whenever i could, and underwear too from my sister’s room. I even dared to put on nail varnish, but that ended in disaster, as I loved it so much I lost track of the time and my mum and dad came home. I changed, but had no time to remove the varnish. I made out that I had had an accident and it had spilled it on me. My father was not impressed and mum just removed it for me, and no more was said. I was about 12 then.

My early teens involved me still experimenting. At about 14, my cousin was staying with me, while her parents and mine went out to bingo for the afternoon. We were playing board games, and I brought the conversation around to girls clothes, and how it must be great to be able to wear skirts and dresses. She bet me I wouldn’t dare wear them myself, and of course I took her up on the bet.

I had borrowed a few items of my sisters before they had left home which now fitted me, and I had this nice blue skirt and white blouse in my room. I hurriedly changed into it and went downstairs to my cousin. She thought it was quite funny, but I stayed dressed and we carried on playing, unaware of the time. A car pulled up on the driveway, and our parents arrived home. I hurridly tried to change, and hid the clothes in the toilet downstairs. I made it just in time.

The next day I was confronted by my father holding the skirt and blouse in his hands, and demanding to know what was going on. He was furious, insinuating I had sexually interferred with Debbie. I was in tears, and said I liked wearing girls clothes, and wanted to be a girl. He stormed out of the house.

Mum comforted me, and spoke to me and I told her how i felt. She was very understanding and supportive, and has been to this day. She has been a real diamond. My father did not speak to me for ages. Mum tried to reason with him to no avail. He told my elder brother about it, thinking he would be horrified, but he came to see me a couple of days later to talk to me about it. He was married and had told his wife, and they said I could stay with them for a long weekend, and I could dress as a girl!

I had got a few clothes, and we made arrangments for the following weekend. My brother, said to be ready, dressed, Friday evening when our parents were out, and he would pick me up.

I was wearing a red dress that I loved, and some shoes I had brought a while back from a mail order catalogue. When the doorbell rang I was very nervous, but he said I looked nice. I had a wig of my mothers that she never wore, so looked fairly feminine.

I only took one set of male clothes to come home in, for my fathers sake, so he would not suspect – other than that I had my few girls clothes. I had a great weekend. My brothers wife put some make up on me which made the wig look much better, and we even went out shopping for a few hours!

They bought me some new clothes from a cheap shop – I loved them – and a few other bits. Monday came all too soon though, and I had to go home.

My father blotted out the incident with my cousin and nothing was ever said about it again. Things were a bit awkward for a few weeks but he eventually started talking to me again, although things were always a bit strained from then on.



I began to build up quite a collection of clothing, as I was doing a paper round and other jobs. Mum helped out as well, and even took me to get a wig, saying it was for a school play in which I had to play a girl! The shop assistant said that we would probably not want one that made me look too much like a girl, but mum said no, it had to be as authentic as possible, and I needed to look as much like a girl as possible. She was great.

She brought me a lovely wig which really did help transform me. She even came shopping for clothes with me, helping to purchase underwear for myself. She helped me buy my first real bra! I carried on dressing for many years, purchasing make-up as well, until I met Marion.

She came to live at our house – she worked at the same place I did, and was looking for a place to stay. One thing led to another, and we started a relationship. One day she came across my female clothing… I said it was my sister’s, but did not think she believed it. A few weeks later, she suggested I try on her clothes for a laugh, which I happily did, and I then told her I liked wearing female clothing. She said she had guessed by the clothes I had said were my sisters. She started to help me dress up occassionally.

We moved away from home, and it became more regular. This is where my other story came in.

As I have said, it was more than just occasional. I needed to dress and be a woman more and more, and eventually we parted. We’d had children together, and she felt that things could not go on that way, as I was getting moody and depressed if not dressed. I moved back home with my Mum.

My father had passed away two years previously, so it was just me and my mum. I was still dressing on and off, but the feelings were getting much stronger in me and I knew I really needed to be a woman. Mum was, and is, very supportive and said I could dress as I pleased, which made life so much easier.

I unfortunately became quite ill in late 1998, and was off work for 6 months, with severe fatigue as my doctor diagnosed. I was working on the Railway at the time as a train driver. I did return to work, but fell ill again within 5 months, and was sacked from the now privatised railway in August 1999. I was suffering from anxiety, fatigue and depression. I could not return to work for more than a year. I now have a job in retail – though not paying well, its a job, and i am looking for something more.

Around then is also the time that I started living full-time as a woman, other than at work. I long to tell them that I want to change my sex, but as I have not been there very long, cannot at the moment. I have yet to approach my doctor, but will do so very soon, so I can see about the change, as i am so much happier while in my female role and my health is much better. I know I still have a long way to go, but living full time is a great relief for me, and I go out all the time as Jayne.

Most of my family know of me, and a few friends. Just three good friends do not know the real me yet, but I will have to tell them soon, as it is only fair for both them and myself also.

I long for the day when I can hopefully become a full woman, and will be striving to my goal. I have recently made two very good and supportive friends from Peterborough, and if you are reading this, I would like to say a big thank you Marteena and Debbie. Thanks so much for your love and support. I can not express how much it has meant to me.

I hope i have not bored you all too much, but writing my experiences down helps to make me feel better in myself, and maybe someone may be able to find some similarities in their own experiences to mine.

I wish everyone well, and thank you for reading.

Love and best wishes, Jayne

China Bill – Bill’s Story – Transvestite Fiction

Transvestite Fiction


I am a perfectly normal male, who was married. After a very painful divorce, I was going to China because of business (I speak fluent Chinese). In those days we frequently went in and out through Hong Kong. We had business there.

We were introduced to a lovely club, called “Bottoms Up”. It was made famous in a James Bond movie. There are 5 bars, each having an octagonal shape, inside is a green platform on which is a nude woman who takes your order and serves you your drink(s). If one becomes a regular (I did!) you can take the girls out and then nature takes its course.

In my case I was already in love with Chinese women, and there was one very lovely, but very tall, slender, lady whose name was Christine. She was the most elegant woman I had ever seen, and she was gracious, but she always wore a “privacy shield” between her legs. The other girls only did this when it was their time of the month. Christine always did. I kept asking her out dancing, to dinner, etc.

Finally, after 2 years, she accepted. I was very happy. But some of the regular guys in the place took me aside and told me she was really a “he”. I did not believe them, and told them to just be quiet. To myself I said that I really did not care.

Well, the evening arrived, and I picked her up at her apartment where she introduced me to her friend, Sophie. Another long tall, slender beauty. We left, went to dinner and then began a night of dancing. Of course Christine was just an outstanding dancer, as am I. We both were having a really great time. Occasionally someone would come up to her and say hello and ask for her autograph which she gave.

I was confused, but flattered. Finally it was early in the morning and we headed to her place. On the way she gently fondled me, and brought me to a tremendous climax. I tried to do the same to her, but she pushed my hand away and told me later.



china2.jpgWhen we arrived at her place Sophie was gone, with a note saying she was staying with a boyfriend for the night. So we were set. We started to kiss and just totally fell into each other. Christine finally pulled back and excite me in a way I had never experienced. I was desperate to caress her and bring her up to where I was. She gently took off her top and of course I had seen but never touched or kissed her beautiful breasts, but that ended fast. Again, my hand went down between her legs. She pulled back and said she had a surprise for me and did not want to hurt me but she was different. Well, she was. She had an absolutely lovely penis, it was smooth, and long, and not at all fat or ugly. She put my hand on it, and it was the most wonderful thing I had ever felt. She kissed me, and kissed me and I meantime manipulated her just as she was me. I told her I thought she was wonderful and just did not care.

She moaned and told me she took a long time to come. I told her I had all the time in the world. We did everything we could think of. It was just heaven.

In the afternoon, when we had exhausted ourselves her roommate returned. It turns out Sophie was the same. We had a long talk, and I danced with Sophie. Christine wanted to know if we could all three go out that evening and see what went on. Well I am sure you know the rest. We were a trio for 4 years. They were from Singapore and lovely. They moved back and I have not seen them since.

Now for the hard part. In the US I go out and go to clubs, bars etc. in the Washington DC area, mostly in Maryland. One very nice place (now gone unfortunately) was a regular hangout. My Chinese girl friend (a real girl) was always there with me and we knew everyone. My girlfriend went to China to visit Mom and Dad. I kept going to the club. A very tall blond began to come in, and she was always with a large (tall and a little heavy but not much) African American. The two were a set. They were very friendly., and everyone liked them. The big African American Girl had a boy friend who treated her like dirt, but he was white. The blonde, Julia, just was so much fun to be with that I fell a little in love with her.



On weekends the club had a live band, and Julia loved to dance but no one would dance with her. Finally one night I asked her to dance, she jumped off the bar stool and we began to dance, we did not stop all night. Several times one of my friends got me aside and told me that Julia was really a man. I just looked and said “So what?” and kept on dancing. At the end of the evening I walked Julia to her car, and we began kissing. She was embarrassed because she got hard and so did I. We rubbed each other and both had lovely orgasms. I made a date, kissed her goodnight and went home. She sent me an e-mail the next day telling me she was a “new” tranny and had only just started pills, dressing, and her breasts were still small, and she was undergoing many changes. She also said she wanted to have surgery to become a true female. I immediately asked her to move our date up and we went out to have Sushi.

After the Sushi, in the parking lot we again got into a heated and most intimate session. I asked her over to my house. She said she had been waiting for me to ask all evening. We went right home. Julia had the most perfect body, small, but firm and lovely breasts, a very smooth skin, and she is a marvellous kisser! We ended up in bed. She said she probably could not have an orgasm, as she had tried to masturbate and had not achieved a climax. She achieved several that night.

Julia was married, and has two lovely daughters. She would bring them with her to the club for dinner, dressed as a woman, and they did not mind at all. They are lovely little ladies, 12 and 14 years old. Julia and I had a lovely relationship.

However, the club closed (was sold to another group), and she has dropped her e-mail. I cannot find her, but am still trying. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and I do not care a bit that she has a penis. In fact it is much more fun! I have tried to find places in the area where such ladies go, but have been really unsuccessful. I am a professional, I have normal urges, but much prefer the TV world.

The beautiful ladies who are pictured so often, and who seem to be made fun of by others are who I prefer to all others. I will keep looking for Julia, somehow I hope she reads this but that is to long a hope for me to even think of. I will look, and keep it up. I hope to find some place local where the ladies have the same equipment as I do. I do not like men at all, but the lovely ladies with the equipment are just what I love and prefer.

Thank you for reading this, and I am now going out and look for Julia again.

Coming Out – Charlene’s Story

Charlene’s story


As every cross dresser is aware, the wearing of female clothing behind closed doors is very much an escapist existence. Once dressed as a woman a TV can enter into feminity in secluded bliss for as long as he/she as time.

But “Coming Out” is a different matter entirely. It takes courage, conviction and painstaking detail for a TV to be thoroughly convinced that he could pass as a girl in the outside world. One mistake could lead to embarrassment, confusion and even hostility from an unaware stranger.

A friend of mine, Charles, is one of the most convincing cross dressers I have ever seen. When dressed as Charlene, he transforms himself from a good looking black guy into a ravishing, slender woman, with dusky looks and a curvy figure.

To look at Charlene’s confident sashay, wearing the most revealing and figure hugging of dresses, one would never imagine for one moment the first “outing” by Charlene involved nerves and unbridled anxiety.

Charlene tells her own story:-

I’d been dressing up since I was nine, mostly in my sister’s clothes and then later on my mum’s, as I grew taller. By the time I was nineteen I was going out with a guy called Peter, whom I’d met through a contact magazine.

I had a collection of underwear, nightdresses and a couple of dresses. I even had my own false boobs. But I had never gone outside as a girl. The girl’s clothes were just part of my life with Peter – he used to get really excited to see me wearing lingerie, or a baby doll nightdress.

One evening, I was sitting in his flat with him, just having a couple of drinks, and chatting. I was wearing a white lace bodyshaper, underneath a silky chemise wrap that I had bought that afternoon. The bodyshaper was with under wired cups, which pushed up my shapely false breasts.

Feeling relaxed from the two glasses of wine I had drunk, and also from being in these clothes, I just giggled when Peter casually mentioned that “it was about time I went outside as a girl”. I didn’t really take in what he was saying until he got up, and announced that he was going to “phone for a taxi, and that we were going into town”. I looked at him the sudden reality of what was going through his mind suddenly sank in. I said (stupidly): “I’ll have to get changed first”. He laughed, and leaned over to plant a kiss on my mouth.

“Don’t you think it’s time that other people than myself saw how good you look dressed up?” he said. “All you have to do is put on a frock, and do your face over. You can be ready in half-an-hour?”

I repeated shrilly, “Don’t be stupid, Peter. Look dressing up in here with you is one thing, but outside? What of someone guesses? I could be locked up, beaten up or worse!”

But underneath my babbling, I was secretly starting to look forward to the idea of being outside as a girl. Ten years of a secret double-life had just stifled a desire to show myself, and the girl I could be, to the outside world.

So when Peter led me by the hand into the bedroom, I went along with the plan. I pretended reluctance, but this was just part of the teasing act I had begun. Secretly I couldn’t wait to be on Peter’s arm as his girlfriend, rather than his boyfriend.

I picked out my best dress. It was a sleeveless white fit’n’flare number, quite short, showing off my dark skin perfectly. The bodyshaper I had on had a thong back, and Peter whistled as I walked up and down the bedroom, looking at myself in the mirror. “You tart!” he laughed. “I can see right through that dress, you know!” I phoned for a taxi. “Could I have a cab please?” I knew from years of practice that a high pitched voice would have sounded stupid, so I settled for a husky imitation of my mum’s. I gave the address, and went back into the bedroom, where Peter was rubbing aftershave onto his neck.



When the taxi arrived, I was relieved to see through the window the driver was a man. I had always thought that a woman was more likely to rumble a TV than a man would do. Hand in hand, Peter and I walked down the stairs to the waiting car.

The driver said little as he drove into town, and had given me no more than a quick glance as I got into the taxi. The dress I had on rode up well above my knees, and Peter rested his hand on my left thigh, occasionally squeezing reassuringly.

I had his other hand in mine, and was so glad he was by my side for this nerve- wracking experience. I doubt that I could have seen the evening through alone. When we reached town, Peter steered me along the pavement to a “Straight” pub, one of the most popular in the area. I had secretly hoped that he would have gone to one of the gay bars we usually drink in, as I would have felt much more comfortable there. The cool breeze of the early June night blew the thin fabric of my dress against me, and I was suddenly conscious of starting to get aroused. I was glad to get into the pub, away from the public gaze.

Inside the pub, we struggled through the crowds of drinkers towards the bar. I kept my eyes glued to the back of Peter’s head, not daring to meet anyone’s gaze. When we ordered drinks, I gulped down half my glass of wine immediately. Peter encircled my waist with his arm, and told me not to worry. It was easy for him to say. My heart had by now started to thump under the falsies, and I flitted my gaze from side to side nervously.

“I’ll have to visit the gents,” Peter said, moving away from me.

“Oh God, don’t leave me alone in here!” I gasped, fearing every possible scenario.

“You’ll be alright. Just don’t talk to any strange men in the meantime!”

“Pig!” I thought, and glared at his back as he walked away. I had started to feel calmer, though, and glanced around me in a more leisurely fashion than before.

I began to drink for the sheer hell of it – outside, as Charlene! I was dressed as a sexy teenage girl, and was accompanied by a hunky young man!

The evening, after Peter returned, went on without major incident. I think that, once I had spent a couple of hours outside as Charlene, the nerves had begun to disappear, and I realised that I fitted in more comfortably as Charlene than Charles. I go out as Charlene several times a week now, and have been away on holiday twice where I spent the entire week dressed as a girl.

Even though Peter and I are no longer a couple, I look back with a lot of fondness on our relationship. It was Peter who convinced me to go “public” as Charlene, and that I could be sexy as well as convincing as a girl. Since then, I’ve hardly looked back!

The End


Nadia – My Story

Nadia’s Story


nadiaNadia Almada wept tears of joy yesterday as she told how the nation has helped her achieve her life-long dream… to finally feel like a real woman.

After nearly four million people voted for her as the fifth Big Brother winner, the 27-year-old transsexual said: “I’m overjoyed I’ve been accepted as a woman for the first time. It’s the most amazing feeling – I could burst with happiness.”

The Portuguese beauty also said she now feels she at last has the confidence to find love – and is desperate to explore her sexuality.

“I am a very sexual person,” she said. “Of course it has not been long since I had the operation so I have not yet made love with a man. But I am desperately looking forward to it. I just can’t wait to find my Mr Right!”

After spending her first night out of the house celebrating with champagne Nadia, born a boy called Jorge Alamada, also revealed how she:

Felt guilty for keeping her secret from housemates. Has not stopped crying since she won.nadia3

Fancied Jason – but went off him when he became aggressive. Wants to marry her dream man in a big white wedding.

Nine million viewers tuned in to see Nadia win with an astonishing 61 per cent of the votes. Afterwards she said: “My whole purpose of being in the house was to feel in myself that I am a real woman. And I do now.

“It was so important for me to gain acceptance as a woman, not something else. I felt guilty not telling the other housemates, but they’ve all now told me it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t change the relationship I have with them.

“I feel like a real woman for the first time – and I can’t even put into words how good that feels. I am so emotional. I cannot stop crying.”

Nadia was stunned to find her mother Conceicao, who lives in their home village on the Portuguese island of Madeira, waiting for her at the final. The pair have not seen each other for a year – since before Nadia became a full woman.

They wept as they hugged each other and Conceicao told her daughter: “I’m so proud of you. You look beautiful.”

Nadia said: “We have always been very, very close. I have not seen her for a year because I wanted to wait until the operation was complete and until I felt comfortable with being a woman.

“But there has been no problem. My mum accepts me totally and says she is very, very proud of me. That means so much to me. Seeing her again was so emotional.”nadiaandmother



“I was so unbelievably happy that she came to see me, I can’t even express how happy that made me. It was a shock but such a nice shock. We have a lot of catching up to do. I can’t believe she’s here! I can’t wait to spend lots of time with her over the next few days.

“I missed my special friends and my beautiful family so much. They have stood by me throughout everything.”

Nadia has not seen her father Luis Leodoro, 51, since he walked out on them when they were living in South Africa in 1992.

He was tracked down to a remote town on the border with Botswana where he now makes a living stacking shelves in a shop.

He only heard last week that Jorge was now a woman. But as he sipped champagne yesterday, he toasted Nadia’s success and said he was counting the seconds before he would meet his new daughter. “I have been practising to make sure I call her Nadia, not Jorge,” he said. “She looks so beautiful in the pictures, I cannot wait to see her in the flesh.

nadia2“Nadia is extremely beautiful – perhaps the most beautiful woman our family has ever produced, though I would love her even if she wasn’t beautiful.”

But Nadia says she is not sure whether she wanted to see Luis. Smiling wistfully, she said: “The only problem I have with my family is my dad. That goes back a lot of years.

“I’m not sure whether I will see him again. I have a lot of other things to think about first.”

Sultry Nadia told how she at first fancied Jason in the Big Brother House and thought he had an amazing body. But she went off him after getting to know him and having shouting matches with him.

She said: “I thought he was gorgeous at first, especially when he went into the house in just a leopard-skin thong.

“Initially he was very attractive to me, because he is my type physically. He is a good-looking man and I noticed him admiring my breasts a few times.

“But then I got to know him! Me and him clashed a bit because we are both fiery personalities.

I WANT my man to be someone kind, trustworthy – that’s very important – and someone who is willing to share everything with me. I am so happy right now and I would love to share that with somebody.

“I would love a big white wedding. I can’t wait to walk up the aisle in that dress, looking fabulous and feeling so happy.

“It’s every little girl’s dream – and in my mind, I have always been a girl. So it’s what I want so much.”

Nadia’s only sadness is that she will never be able to bear children. Her eyes filled with tears as she said: “I got used to that idea a long time ago because I have had to.

“But it still makes me sad because I would love to have a family. I don’t know whether I would adopt. But I do love children.”

Nadia almost confessed her secret to her fellow housemates when they were talking about having babies. She had to admit she could not have children despite being young and fit – and curious housemates asked why.

She admitted: “I don’t like lying and before that point I hadn’t really had to lie – I just didn’t tell the whole truth.

Nadia’s sex-change op cost £15,000 – and she had it done on after arriving here from Madeira in 1999.

She – then he – was assessed by a GP and a psychiatrist before being sent to a gender assessment clinic. Nadia was then put on its male-to-female programme which includes counselling, therapy and hormone treatment.

She was told she had to hold down a job as a woman for at least 12 months and did a stint at Sainsbury’s in Woking, Surrey.

Cathy’s Story (Part Two)


Last year I told my story of how I became a practicing transvestite, it was published as Cathy’s Story. A lot has happened since then so I thought it was time for an update.

I have been very surprised with how quickly my ‘femme’ life has progressed. Perhaps the biggest surprise for me was a change of name. For reasons I’m not sure, of my daughter decided I had to drop my femme name of ‘Cathy Mann’ and she wanted me to be known as ‘Helene’. Her husband felt I should take things further and create a whole female character around ‘Helene’ and when I dressed up as a woman that I should get completely into the role; I had to completely believe I was female. I was a bit taken aback by these suggestions but a girl has to do what a girl has to do and so threw myself into becoming ‘Helene’ and it has been an incredibly fun and rewarding time.

I only began to dress as a woman in November 2000 at the age of 41 and now I can hardly believe or understand why I suppressed my desire to dress as a female. I truly believe I was a complete idiot not to dress up and I regret wasting over twenty years of my life denying I was a transvestite.

It was the discovery of the ‘Transformation’ web site that got me started as an active practicing transvestite as the opportunity to buy wigs, dresses, high heels and of course make up in a discrete manner was exactly what I required at that time. My biggest and most exciting discovery being silicone breast forms, these were beyond my wildest imaginings and I just had to buy some!

I have been learning with a passion how to dress and look female and now feel I am starting to get somewhere. It is not an easy process for the beginner but perseverance and practice eventually pay off, so if you feel you are not getting anywhere I can sympathise but stress you must endeavour with your efforts, it will work out for you, do not give up.

The process of transforming myself from a male into a female is incredible fun and so liberating. When I’m finally dressed as a woman wearing my make up and walking in heels I feel on a total high, it is the most sensational feeling and I adore looking and feeling this way.

My dream has always to pass as a convincing looking woman but I really believed I would never do more than dress up alone and in private. The big shock came in October 2001 when my daughter’s husband asked me when I would be going out as ‘Helene’. I had never considered this possibility, but the seed took hold and grew.



One evening in February 2002 I found myself walking out of the house and getting into my car experiencing a new sensation: my long hair was blowing in the breeze. ‘So what’ you may be thinking. Well as a man I’m bald but tonight I had long hair and what’s more tonight I was telling myself I was a woman. I had on full make up, I was wearing an elegant ladies trouser suit with a gorgeous ladies white shirt and I felt fantastic.

I started up my car and set off for an hour and half’s drive to meet for the first time other transvestites, people like me, I was both nervous and excited. I had learned of a coffee evening for transvestites and made the decision to attend. I was about to venture out of the house and into the public domain, it was very exciting.

I realised I could not park near the venue and I was faced with a long public walk from where I eventually parked. As I slipped out of the car and stood up in my heels on the windy February night I was thrilled and on a total high. I was about to walk for the first time in public dressed up as a woman! It was heady stuff.

As I walked down the street I had to pass several people and a few small groups and I was surprised not to draw any strange looks. I realised at that moment how much imagined paranoia we transvestites suffer, the reality was quite different. I began to think maybe I actually look okay and they just see me as a woman. I began to relax and thoroughly enjoy being a girl and must admit I felt a touch of disappointment when I arrived at the venue.

The night out was great and my confidence soared tremendously. I adored being out like this and chatting away with other T-girls, this was a dream come true. As with all good things the night came to an end and I set off back to my car. The pubs were emptying as I walked back and I noticed a few men looking at me when suddenly one fell in step with me and began to chat me up!!!!

Total panic ensued, I’m a man, I don’t want to get involved with men and he thinks I’m a woman, what do I do? I continued walking and didn’t say a word I just smiled a lot and realised I was actually enjoying this, it was so flattering. It was the ultimate transvestite compliment, he thought I was female! Eventually I reached my car smiled sweetly and gave him a wave and drove off. I wondered how he would have reacted if he discovered I was in reality a man dressed up? I think I was fortunate as things could have gone wrong for me. It taught me to be careful.

I have now been out dressed up as a woman on several occasions including a trip to Glasgow city centre during which I actually forgot I was a man! I have become so relaxed with being ‘Helene’ that I just think I’m a girl when I’m dressed ‘en femme’. Of course I only have to open my mouth and my voice is a total giveaway and I do need to refine my body language but I feel I improve all the time.

I have found that now I spend time appearing as a woman that my life is enriched and more fulfilled. I have unconsciously slipped into regular things many women do. For example I was getting fed up shaving my legs and I now have them waxed every three weeks. I was waiting for my appointment in a beauty salon when a work colleague arrived and she was very surprised to see me in there. Without thinking told her I was in for my eyebrow and leg waxing, she looked totally dumbstruck! I suddenly realised I was sitting in this big salon surrounded by beauticians and only female customers. She now knows I’m a transvestite but fortunately for me she is discrete, yet another warning for me I should take more care in the future with my secret.

I truly adore becoming a woman (albeit part time) it is such a fantastic experience and I would never give up being a transvestite. I feel privileged to have been born a transgendered person and that I can now experience life in both genders, I really do believe that transvestites are special people. It is so wonderful not to be constrained by conventional roles and of course dressing up is such fun. I for one would have it no other way.


Lots of love, Helene (Formerly Cathy) XX