SHOULD I TELL THE ONE I LOVE

Whichever path we choose only one thing can be certain, unless you are very lucky indeed you are likely to endure much heartache and frustration along the way. If the answer is no, you may be committing yourself to a life of secrecy and deceit, if the answer is yes, you will probably run the risk of being misunderstood and rejected. Of course, this will not be the case for everyone and I can only draw on my own experiences to come to these conclusions. However, I am pretty sure that there must be plenty of other transvestites out there whose story is not that different than mine. I can remember being as young as twelve years old standing naked in front of a mirror with my boyfriend carefully tucked out of sight innocently admiring a reflection that had a strange hint of femininity about it. At this time I had no idea why I did this, all I know was that it felt pleasant and comforting. At sixteen having secured a Saturday job and having some spare money, I found myself inexplicably purchasing woman's underwear, wonderfully soft silky and delicate panties and bras. I built up quite a collection. Whenever I was alone I would select my favourite items, put them on and spend hours parading in front of the all-important mirror savouring the pleasant feeling it gave me. To my absolute horror my secret collection was discovered by my mother and for the first time in my life I was made to feel guilt and shame for my behaviour. Despite being hurt and confused by the subsequent anger and derision, I quickly replaced my confiscated belongings, found a more secure hiding place and continued to dress up as often as possible. At seventeen I met and fell in love with my first real girlfriend, Irene, and as our relationship blossomed I longed to let her in on my little secret, but the right moment never seemed to come. When we arranged to spend a weekend away together at a caravan park in the countryside an idea suddenly occurred to me. As we unpacked I feigned annoyance telling my girlfriend that I had forgotten to take any spare underwear with me. I managed to persuade Irene to lend me some of her's and she gave me a pair of skimpy powder-blue satin panties. Feelings Later on in the local pub she playfully teased me that the outline of her panties were clearly visible through my trousers and what would all the other customers think if they know what I was wearing. I had engineered the situation but failed to take full advantage of it and express my true feelings, something I have always regretted. Instead we laughed and joked about it, I suggested that maybe I could borrow some of her underwear in the future but this was met with a cool response. The act of wearing those panties in her presence and with her full knowledge was an extremely elating experience, but not wishing to upset Irene I pushed the matter no further. However, I could not stop the compulsive desire to dress up and so I carried on in private and my little collection started to grow. I obtained a skirt and blouse, a dress, more underwear and some makeup. Our love for each other grew and at eighteen we married, moved away from home and started to make a life together.We were very happy together, but I felt that there was something missing, I desperately wanted to tell my new wife about my peculiar habit, but could not find the words or the courage to do so. As a compromise, keeping my own feminine belongings well hidden, I suggested that it might be fun for me to dress up in some of her clothes as a game, a prelude to sex. In my naivety I imagined that this solution would make it easier for Irene to accept my needs to cross-dress and that, although it was not exactly what I wanted, I at least had the opportunity to dress in feminine clothes in her presence.  
  Uncomfortable I should have been more honest and come clean, it was an uncomfortable arrangement for the both of us. Although Irene let me indulge myself it was far from perfect, she was confused that her husband, a man, should want to wear her clothes for no apparent reason other than a game, and for my part I was gaining very little pleasure from these occasional opportunities. For me, dressing as a woman had nothing to do with sexual gratification, I didn't want to become a woman and I definitely wasn't gay, and yet because of my inability to express my true feelings those were the thoughts that were going through my wife's mind. And with no logical explanation from me, who could blame her really? I spent long hours deliberating over the problem and trying to figure out a way to tell Irene, I became obsessed with wanting her to understand me. The pressure of keeping this secret to myself was starting to become an intolerable burden. It was such a simple, harmless and innocent pleasure, so why did it evoke such misunderstanding and prejudice? It wasn't something dirty or perverted, in fact quite the opposite. When I had rid my body of hair, slipped into skimpy lace trimmed underwear, pulled on my stockings and high heels, put on my skirt and blouse, placed my wig upon my head and applied my makeup I stepped into another world, a better more peaceful and gentle world. The stresses and strains of everyday life seemed to drift away, worries and anxieties were replaced with an aura of beautiful tranquil pleasure. How could this be so wrong? I stopped requesting our little game and reverted to dressing in secret again, alone and isolated, but at least I was dressing as a woman for my own reasons and not as a compromise. I continued like this for some time and life went on - we had two beautiful daughters and we went through the normal ups and downs that all couples have to endure. On the face of it we were a very happy, healthy couple except that I was leading this terrible double life. On the one hand I was the respectable loving husband and father and on the other this person who craved to dress up as a woman in secret because there didn't seem to be any other choice. The burden of keeping my feminine half hidden soon began to take its toll and I am sure my family suffered as a consequence. I became increasingly bad tempered and irritable and started to turn to drink for solace. I couldn't see it then but I became a pitiful creature full of self pity and sorrow, and it was all my own creation. I went through bouts of depression and guilt, throwing away all my feminine belongings, promising myself that I could live without it only to find a couple of months later that the irresistle urge would return with a gretaer intensity. I would then go out on mad shopping sprees replacing everything that I had lost, and so began an expensive destructive cycle that was to last for fifteen years. Every so often I approached Irene asking her if she would agree to my dressing up in her presence, but my requests were always greeted with an emphatic no. This did not help my growing anxiety and depression, but it was not her fault, it was mine. Why couldn't I have just been more honest from the beginning. It would have made life so much easier...  
  Mistake In one last desperate act I took advantage of a weekend alone with Irene while the children were staying with relatives and persuaded her to let me dress up in front of her. She agreed, but it was a mistake, a very big mistake. I felt so happy as I prepared myself, ensuring that I looked my best. Irene's jaw dropped as I entered the room in my favourite outfit, high heeled court shoes, stockinged legs, a short black velour mini-skirt, a wine coloured blouse, my face fully made up and my mousey blonde wig. she could not bear to look at me and after only fifteen minutes sitting on the sofa together she ran out of the room. I following and found her sobbing uncontrollably on the bed, she couldn't cope and was devastated, and it frightened me - this time I had surely gone too far. I had seen Irene upset before but this was different, I had a real feeling that I could lose her. That scared me. I loved her dearly and couldn't even contemplate life without her. Stripping off and scrubbing my face I stuffed all my feminine belongings into a large refuse sack and put it out with the rubbbish. I tried to comfort her, promising her that I would change, that I would block my compulsation out altogether, but it did not last long. How shallow my promise was. Once again I found myself purchasing the clothes, underwear, make-up, shoes and wig that I could not live without, and again I started to dress in secret. Then something happen to change my life again, I had embarked on a quest to become a writer. I had always been quite artistic and I thought this would be a new way to express myself. After several rejected manuscripts I decided to follow some advice and write something I know about intimately. After one more rejection, my first short story was accepted! I was overjoyed and when I told Irene, to my surprise, she shared my joy. She said she was proud of me and pleased with my success. Misconceptions As subsquent scripts were accepted we began to openly discuss my strange obsession for the first time. In the evenings when we took our regular walk in the woods I was able to explain to Irene about the many different aspects of transvestism, why people did it and most importantly why I did it. It was wonderful to be able to talk like this, to explore the myths and misconceptions and my wife listened with genuine interest and curiosity. It was like a huge burden being lifted from my shoulders and I felt ten years younger, the relief at finally being understood was incredible. I still dress up on my own when I have the house to myself because I know that it's not Irene's cup of tea and I respect that, but now there is a big difference. I have not exactly got her blessing, but I do have her understanding and sympathy and that is very precious to me. I no longer suffer from depression or pangs of guilt and can enjoy my cross dressing for the simple pleasure that it is. I now only feel happiness in the knowledge that I have a one-in-milion, long suffering, loving and understanding wife.

SOUNDING LIKE A WOMAN

Fortunately for us, there is no such thing as a 'normal female voice'. Our voices are almost as individual as our faces, and any individual voice is capable of great variation. We can speak nasally, harshly or huskily almost at will. You will, no doubt, think your voice is too low in pitch, but bear in mind that pitch is only one factor in a voice, and other factors can compensate for low pitch. Earth Kitt's voice, for example, is very low pitched, but is unmistakeably feminine. In fact, a low pitched feminine voice can sound very sexy. It is important to remember that your are not trying to get a completely new voice, just to feminise your own existing voice. Your dialect or accent should be preserved, and you should be careful to keep your individuality. Relaxed self confidence is a necessary first step in developing your new feminised voice. Undue tension in any part of the body will interfere with the easy functioning of the vocal chords. This is often accompanied by excessive concentration which also prevents natural speech. Before starting an exercise, stretch your muscles to remove any undue tension, and then relax. As much like a cat as possible, stretch and relax. Try to avoid doing the following speech therapy exercises when there is too much background noise - complete silence would be ideal. It may even be a good idea to draw the curtains to help dampen the sounds of the outside world. Stretch, and relax.... Breath Control After relaxation, breath control is the next most essential in feminising your voice. Good speech stems from breathing correctly and in a controlled way. If you cannot control your breath you will not be able to control your voice. Stand with your body weight slightly forward, with heels lightly on the ground, shoulders loose and head erect. Take a deep breath and allow it to escape slowly and evenly. Practise this once or twice before attempting to use your breath to speak. When you do speak, be careful not to spend all of your breath at the beginning of the phrase. You should have enough to last comfortably until the end of the phrase, or even have a little left over. Allow any extra breath to escape without sound. A puff of air at the end of the phrase is both unnecessary and unfeminine. Controlling your breath as above, repeat the following phrases: I am going shopping today Could you tell me the time please? Can I try this blouse on please? Practise these over and over, until you're happy with your breath control.  
  sounding2.jpgPitching Right Male voices are generally lower in pitch than those of females. Therefore, a woman with a very low voice and male inflection stands out. Pitch and tonal range are not the only differences between male and female voices - only a part of the difference. The object of these exercises is not to produce a falsetto, but to incorporate higher notes into your speaking range. The voice is closely integrated with personality. Inflection, volume and voice quality are used to express emotion. Trust your natural femininity and have fun with the exercises! Continued relaxation is very important - stretch and relax... Pitch is determined by the degree of tension in the muscles controlling the vocal chords, which are in turn controlled by your own perception of the sound you are making. When you want to sing a note, you don't tense your vocal chords deliberately - instead, you hear the note in your mind and the vocal chords adjust themselves, the process is subconscious. Speech works in the same way. Vocal muscles can, however, be exercised - and flexibility improved - provided that you have plenty of breath and keep your neck and throat muscles relaxed. Before starting any exercise, here are a few points to remember: Avoid smokey areas Avoid stress so you can develop a pattern of relaxed and easy breathing Develop a different speech rhythm - melodic rather than a business-like staccato pattern based on a narrow range of notes. Bearing this in mind, try counting 1-2-3... 1-2-3... 1-2-3...... Then, raising the pitch a little (though still speaking, not singing), repeat again. Keep practising at different pitches, and the exercise will help you to add a more melodic character to your voice. Voice Variety In this exercise, the voices you use should all be very different. Try to approach each as best you can, but don't be disheartened if your first efforts are disappointing. Variety is the spice of life - try as many different voices and pitches as you want... Husky Feminine Voice - "It is time I went home now" Low pitched, but less husky voice - "It is time I went home now" Medium pitch feminine voice - "It is time I went home now" Higher pitched voice - "It is time I went home now" Try them all again and again until you feel confident in a variety of voices - you can learn to use all these voices in everyday speech to express your different emotions, just as we all use our own male versions naturally.  
  Setting the tone A further difference between male and female voices is their tone. In puberty female vocal chords lengthen and the lining of the pharynx becomes thicker and softer. This produces a mellow, soft tone. Male vocal chords increase in mass and length, and the pitch descends. These tonal differences can be manipulated by using exercises to lengthen the vowels. Working on neatening your pronunciation will also pay dividends. Research shows that women's pronunciation is 'correct' for a greater proportion of the time than is men's. However, this does not mean that you need to change your accent - merely to be more careful in the way you speak. Stretch and relax. Breathe easily... Sound the first letter of the phrases softly, feel your mouth forming the sounds, and stretch the vowels a little: OO L-ah L-ah Ahoy ahoy - stretch to A--hoy ahoy that ship ahoy Cold, cold, it is so very cold Boom, boom, the gun went boom Stretch and relax. Breathe easily... now try it again... Once you are satisfied with your lengthened vowels, at least for the present, you can move on to your inflection. Quality Inflection When we speak we do not do so in a monotone. Rather, our pitch rises and falls naturally. This modulation of pitch is known as inflection, and it is this that gives our voices their expressive qualities. Inflection is especially important in personal conversation - it shows whether or not we are listening attentively. Many of the diffferences between male and female voices - especially in inflection - arise from the kind of things we say. An employer does not coo softly at someone receiving a reprimand, nor does one bellow sweet nothings into the ear of a lover. Generally speaking, women use inflection more than men. This reflects their nurturing role with children - although the quality is still visible in women who do not have (or want) children. The next exercise is designed to improve your inflection. Stretch and relax. Breathe easily. Then try saying: OH - (pitch drops) No - What (pitch drops) a (pitch drops) pi - (pitch drops) -ty I can't (pitch drops) and I (pitch drops) won't (pitch drops) believe (pitch drops) it Step (pitch rises) up Step (pitch drops) down Be (pitch drops) qui- (pitch drops) -et!  
  Putting it all together It is time to put together everything we have learnt so far. So, stretch and relax, breathe easily, then repeat the following nonsense rhyme, trying out all that you have learnt: Dong Dong Dong! Bonged the great big gong. The Hong Kong gong Had a long sad song Of woe and wrong, Of woe and wrong! Bong Bong Bong Dong Dong Dong Bong Bong Bong Bong! Dong Dong Dong You can hear the gong In old Cantong. The Hong Kong gong In old Cantong You can scarcely hear the gong The Bong-Dong gong Remember, it is all a question of practice - and if you can manage to clearly recite the above rhyme, while paying attention to the techniques we've covered, you'll know you've made excellent progress. Try listening to yourself with a tape recorder, and continue to work on your breath control, tone, variety and inflection until you are happy with the way you sound. Stretch and relax, breathe deeply... Stretch and relax, breathe deeply... Good luck! For a more in-depth guide to elecution, please see our Speech Therapy Course which includes four audio cassettes, which take you through voice exercises allowing you to practice and evaluate your progress.

WHATS IN YOUR HANDBAG

I think the oddest thing in mine is a four-inch nail. No - it's not for emergency repairs to the dancefloor after I've been dancing, but more of that in a bit. First, a few things which are not in my handbag... Once upon a time, when I had a larger handbag, it always contained a hairbrush. My current one does not. Before putting on my wig I brush it thoroughly. However, touching up the wig (once it's on my head) is better done with the fingers. Brushing can leave the wig with a flat, unnatural look. Fingering creates a more untidy appearance which looks much more natural. So - when I'm out strutting my stuff I don't need a hairbrush. I sometimes carry a spare stocking or two in case of ladders, but there aren't any in my bag at the moment. The darker the stockings one wears, the more important this is - the slightest damage to a black stocking is glaringly obvious. Currently, mine are pale - a shade the manufacturer calls 'natural'. With these, the sort of damage stockings pick up on the dancefloor is very hard to see. They don't last forever of course, but they are wearable in a worse state than black ones. The down side to this is that the paler the stockings, the better job you need to make of shaving your legs! Another thing absent from my handbag is money. It's hard to dance with a bag flapping about on your shoulder. For disco numbers, there's a kind of teenage charm about dancing around your handbag, but it's a bit limiting - having to keep to a single spot on the dancefloor. When it comes to ballroom dancing, the bag is just a nuisance. It's best just to leave the bag where you're sitting, but an unattended handbag containing money is not a good idea. My money goes into a little purse on my belt - it looks a tad like a hand grenade, but it is very useful!  
  handbag3.jpgAlso absent are most of the make-up products I use - foundation, blusher and eye make-up are all missing. I've tried carrying these, but found that once they were on they were on for the night. The only make-up items I carry with me are a couple of products genuinely useful for repairs during the course of an evening. One item of make-up I do carry with me is face powder, with a couple of little pads to apply it. Dancing in a wig is a hot business. They say that horses sweat, men perspire, while ladies only glow. A night at the disco can have me glowing like a pig. As the glow trickles down my face, a little extra dab of powder can fix a multitude of sins. I also use the powder as a base for lipstick - the other make-up product I carry. I tend to suffer from slightly greasy lips and used to have a lot of difficulty in getting the lipstick to take, especially on the lower lip. A bit of powder (not too much) leaves my lips dry and ready for the colour. Actually, I use the lipstick more often during the course of the evening than the powder. A little bit of extra lippie can do wonders to a face that's starting to lack something or other. More - there's something deliciously feminine about sitting down and putting on your lipstick. Along with the lipstick, I also carry lip-liner - invaluable in defining a sharp edge to lips that have become smudged over the course of an evening. (See our make-upguide for hints on applying make-up) An essential accessory for both make-up products is a mirror. It's handy for checking whether more make-up is necessary,and indespensible for putting it on. I used to carry a plain rectangle or round mirror, but found it was apt to break if carried in a handbag. Apart from the risk of seven years' bad luck, broken glass is dangerous and certainly not what I want to find on thrusting my hand into the bag. It also spoils the impression, sitting down doing one's lips with a shard of broken mirror in the left hand - deliciously femme?? Get real! The mirror I use today is actually 2 mirrors, normal and enlarging. They are in a solidly constructed hinged case which, when shut, preserves them from harm. Both mirrors are useful - the normal one for checking the appearance of my whole face, the enlarging one for work on my lips.  
  handbag.jpgTransgender Resources A Survival Kit for a Night on the Town, By Annie Peters Lipstick is not the only thing that can wear off during the evening, and I also carry a small perfume spray. I think it's important to smell nice as well as look good. Spraying it on is, of course, another action in the deliciously feminine category, but don't overdo it - your fragrance should not precede you by too much! Less feminine is a handkerchief - and not a delicate lacy one, at that. I have already mentioned 'glowing like a pig'. When the glow stings the eyes something substantial is needed to blot it. Used with reasonable delicacy, the hankie can be better than a tissue for mopping up the glow without wrecking the eye make-up. Carrying tissues as well could be a good idea - but I tend to use a bit of paper from the toilet. It does well enough, and avoids the accumulation of a layer of disintegrated tissue at the bottom of my bag. In some places the toilets run out of paper - but more can sometimes be had if one has the gumption to ask at the bar. Much more ladylike than a hankie is a nail file in a little plastic case. Rough nails not only look less than perfectly femme, but wreck stockings. It also has a little hook at the end for removing dirt. Dirty nails - varnished or otherwise - are a real no-no. Also metal are four small safety pins. I keep them pinned together for convenience - a solitary safety pin at the bottom of the bag is very hard to find, and when a safety pin is needed it's usually needed in a hurry. A cluster of four pins is much easier to locate. Their purpose (need I tell you girls) is emergency repair to clothes. At the bottom of the bag, with the pins, is a small card with a dozen or more kirby-grips. The grips can be useful for keeping a wig fixed to one's real hair - especially if the wig's webbing is past its first flush of youth. Another use for a hair grip is to pin back one's real hair if it seems determined to escape from the confines of the wig. That's especially important if wig and real hair are different colours. And that leaves only... the four inch nail. It's for the toilet. As a trannie out on the town, one has to be careful about using toilets at all. There are places - mostly gay - where there isn't any great problem about using the ladies, but it shouldn't be taken for granted. Be careful, and check it out first - but it is sometimes possible. In several ladies toilets I've used, the sliding part of the bolt has been missing from the cubicle doors. A nightmare scenario is to be sat there with my knickers down, only to have a woman with more sensibility than sense burst in on me. At best, a trannie is only allowed in the ladies under sufferance - and there are limits one must not cross. So... slide the four inch nail into the bolt fixings and it's securely held. A handy tip, perhaps. Remember, you read it here first!

SILICONE SILOXANE BREAST MANUFACTURING

Ultra thin, high tear strength PUR translucid film ( the external skin of a breast form) High purity, high durability silicone gel. We use siloxane oligomers as raw material for the polymerisation of the vinyl end capped and addition cross linkable poly siloxane polymer. f880_1945genresbreasts.jpg High efficiency platinum catalysts (the platinum compound promotes the cure of the silicone to a gel consistency). Adhesion Promotion compound (to ensure perfect adhesion of the silicone gel to the PUR skin for maxium durability of the breast form).  f880_1946genresbreasts.jpg  
  We need to thermoform the outer skin into the shape of a front and back side breast form. This is done in a heated mold and vacuum. After the application of the silicone gel nipple inside the front skin and the completion of its curing cycle, we can then form a closed envelope by welding together front skin and back skin slongside its perimeter. Yet we leave a small orifice on the top of the envelope through which we shall fill in the liquid silicone gel later.   Now we need to prepare the silicone gel. After polymerizing and end capping the siloxane intermediate, we need to purify the resulting silicone gel polymer from volatile components by filtering and a following distillation process at 200 degrees C under high f880_1941genresbreasts.jpgvacuum. The result is a viscous, high purity, transparent, 100% silicone liquid with a content of 99.95% of non volatiles, a silcone polymer which is useful for medical applications. In order to form a silicone gel suitable for a breast form the polymer needs to be cross linked by means of a "cross linker compound" and a platinum catalyst.       To "cure" the polymer to a gel, we now admix the cross linker/Platinum compound in an adequate ratio to accomplish a life like mobility and consistency. The silicone polymer, cross linker and platinum compounds are now inspected by quality control and released for manufacturing.   Now we fill the liquid cross linker compound and platinum catalyst containing silicone gel into the skin envelope. After curing the silicone polymer to a gel the breast forms are being conducted to the finishing department. Finally the filling orifice is closed, the excess skin trimmed and after a final inspection the breast forms are ready to be packed into master cartons for warehousing and shipping.

THE REALITIES OF GENDER REASSIGNMENT

For the transexual, the challenges that have to be faced in making the great changes involved in gender-reassignment can be so enormous as to shake one's resolve at every step of the way. But, with careful consideration and adequate forethought, they need not be overwhelming. However, anyone who assumes that the challenge lies in learning to dress properly, wear nice clothes, maintain an attractive hairstyle and to use make-up to good effect is really only scratching the surface. True, these aspects are important and cannot be overlooked if one is to fit into the new role, but they do not transcend all and if pursued without consideration of the vaster and more critical realities of becoming a woman, they may become rather superficial. After all, clothes, make-up and appearance are the prime considerations of the transvestite, but for the transexual the entire issue goes to the very core of ones being. Both the cause and effect are so all-embracing that a very realistic attitude to the deeper issues affecting women needs to be developed by the transexual. Biological women are many things in the eyes of men. They are the giving, yielding sex, traditinally bending and surrendering to the more agressive and powerful male. The very sexual act itself puts them (traditonally) into the underlying and characteristically subservient position. They are the nuturing sex, capable of imparting unique shelter, security and love to their children. The bonding between a mother and her child starts at the very first moment of holding and suckling, and from that time on, the relationship has a special quality that cannot quite be equalled by the father. Despite the unique role of women in the continuance of mankind, they are often cruelly reviled and denigrated. Motherhood is supposedly honured and even deified in all societies, yet women are often treated abominably, are objects of lewd humour and are used as chatels and servants by their lords and masters. Women have had to fight through history for their rights in a male-dominated world. Consider some historical facts: All the great religous leaders have been men - Jesus, Mohammed, Confucious and Buddha for example - as have been every pope, archbishop and, until recently, ordinary clergy in most churches. In politics women leaders have almost exclusively been during the post-war years. The UK, India, Pakistan, Norway, Israel and others have all had female leaders in recent years, but look at what women have had to endure to reach those positions of eminence. The first milestone of modern democracy was probably the signing of the Magna Carta in 1215, but it took another 700 years before women began to be granted the vote in most countries. The emancipation of women has opened up opportunities in many professions and businesses. Women lawyers, doctors, accountants and company directors are today an integral part of the community and not objects of curiosity. However, there is a downside and it is far from pleasant. Pornography, frequently featuring women in all sorts of highly exaggerated, distasteful and downright lewd situations is churned out by a multi-million dollar sector of the publishing and film industries, supported by an army of writers, webmasters, photographers and artists. This industry is forever testing the limits of public tolerance, including child pornography and satanism.  
  Hostility to women also seems to have taken on a new destructive face in our society and is a matter of concern to sociologists, theologians, the law and the medical profession. Prejudice, supression and even violence are never far away. The same sort of prejudice and ignorance affects the transsexual in many other areas of our society. We know that if we are to enjoy peace of mind we must shake off the disturbing ambivalence which can make a misery of our lives. But equally we have to recognise that there are limits which preclude us from moving into a cosseted and beautiful world of sheltered femininity. None of us has gone through the process of growing up and developing as females from the day of our birth, even though our instincts tell us that that is what should have happened. Transsexuals go through emotional turmoil, enormous pain, inconvenience and expense because they know that they really are women trapped in a mans body, and this is the price of escape and fulfilment. However, I have not met one who has said that she would not go through it all again if necessary. I have not met one who has not felt profound relief in getting rid of the penis and testicles which have been the hallmark of male superiority since the beginning of time. Equally though, I have not met one who has not had to confront society's ignorance and prejudice. These problems should be faced with as much honesty and courage as one can muster. A transsexual must recognise that in addition to the stigma conferred on him by his or her condition, there are other hardship is involved in simply living life as a woman. Some may try to take refuge in self-imposed isolation, thus creating a sort of ghetto for themsleves and associates. This is a state to be avoided if humanly possible. As I see it, these are the fundamental considerations that must be confronted: Am I happy and proud to be a woman? Am I happy to accept the known and established limitations which are inevitable in living as a woman, keeping in mind that living as a woman and womanhood itself are not quite the same thing? As I am now a woman or in the process of becoming one, can I honestly accept the tolerable limitations of womanhood? In accepting these limitations can I also recognise it as my duty to my sisters to fight for and uphold the rights of women in terms of equal compensations for equal work, the same levels of security that men expect and the same freedom from oppression? Am I prepared to accept that role-reversal is not my aim? Am I prepared to accept that there is a poor future for a world in which there is a dominant and an inferior sex? Not everyone will be able to answer these questions affirmatively, but we all owe it to ourselves to confront the realities of becoming a woman with the knowledge that it is loaded with obstacles. But if these questions can be answered objectively and with honesty, the chances of succeeding as a real creative woman, making a distinct and valuable contribution to society, will be much enhanced.

JUNG'S ANIMA THEORY AND HOW IT RELATES TO CROSSDRESSING

  Jung also believed that every woman has an analogous animus within her psyche, this being a set of unconscious masculine attributes and potentials. An idealized (but not universal) history the crossdresser can be outlined as follows: Each boy has traits that society considers feminine. When a boy displays these traits, they meet with disapproval. The boy represses these feminine traits, which become the anima. The boy develops a normal male persona (mask), and enters the world. He goes to school and follows a career. The urge to actualize his repressed female potentials manifests itself in dreams and fantasy. At midlife, he experiences unhappiness due to the unrealistic and limiting nature of his masculine persona. At this time he may feel a strong, even overpowering interest in wearing women's clothes, or of being a woman in fantasy. This urge is natural and healthy: it is because his completeness as a person requires expressing the potentials he has repressed. Lacking societal cues that validate or guide his impulses, he experiences confusion. The world says crossdressing is wrong, but his 'heart' says it is right. Guilt, shame, moral concerns, and his own overly idealized view of masculinity constrain his crossdressing. He also asks questions like "Am I gay" and "Should I change my sex?" The stage of confusion can last years and decades. The crossdresser may dress often, delve into the culture of crossdressing, or even take female hormones. Or he may remain highly closeted. But the hallmark of this phase is that he remains confused and highly ambivalent, uncertain how to proceed. This seems a terminal point for many. However, the theories of Jung and others imply that this is not the proper end point, but merely arrested development. If the crossdressing urge is really adaptive--a response by the organism to remove barriers that have effectively repressed half of the man's potentials--we can speculate that further developmental stages are possible: The crossdresser recognizes the positive, healing meaning of crossdressing. At this point, crossdressing becomes supported, rather than rejected, by the ego; he may then pursue crossdressing as a constructive activity, now freed from previous moral constraints. But, by the same token, recognition of the positive meaning of the urges also brings an appreciation of sensible limits. The crossdresser gradually experiences his "inner female." As he does, he finds parts that are of fundamental importance, and realizes that these transcend labels of 'male' or 'female'. He also learns to distinguish the positive, profound parts of the anima (spirituality, love, beauty, etc.) from the trivial (promiscuity, vanity, etc.). For a while the crossdresser experiences his male and female personalities as distinct. Eventually he allows parts of the female into his ordinary male personality. This stage gradually merges with the next. The inclusion of the female effects a change in the male personality, producing a new personality that is better than either alone. The female empowers and transforms the male. This stage is ongoing. The new self continues to grow--presumably in the direction of greater spirituality and service to others. It is consistent with the anima theory that the urge to crossdress may diminish during these later stages. The crossdresser now understands that it was not the clothing or being a woman that he sought--these merely symbolized the deeper aspects of his personality he sought to express. Once he experiences and expresses these aspects directly, female clothing itself has less meaning and importance. N.B. The original and full version of this article appears at: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/anima.htm



10 WAYS TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET

'Coming out is hard to do...' as Neil Sedaka might have sung. The idea of other people, especially one's nearest and dearest, knowing what we get up to is for some trannies a vision from hell. We imagine horror, betrayal, ridicule, disgust... I know one TV who has spent over thirty years in a stable and loving marriage with grown up children, and all without breathing a word to his wife. 'If I had known in my youth what I know now,' he told me, 'I would probably have saved up for the operation. But in those days it was unheard of, so I followed the conventional route. Now, how could I possibly tell my wife, after keeping it a secret for so long? What would I say? "Oh, by the way darling, I thought I ought to let you know that I've always wanted to be a woman and I spend my weekends away dressed in high heels" ? No, the scene is hardly to be imagined.' But many of us do manage to break the news without too much trauma. Are there any tips to pass on? Here is my personal repertoire of possible routes out of the closet, but first a health warning: some are more successful than others! Tell it straight, tell it early I must have been about 19 when I told my fiancee (now my wife), after we were going steady but before we were engaged. I can't claim to have had the nerve to say it face to face - this was in a letter. Perhaps the best method from some points of view, as I was able to pick my words carefully; she had time to think it through, take soundings from her best friend, look it up in the encyclopaedia, whatever. It wasn't for several years that she actually saw me in a skirt, but knowing about it in advance took some of the shock out of it. And more importantly, it avoided the hurt of an unadmitted secret. On the other hand, perhaps she was so astonished to get any sort of letter at all from me in those student days, she was prepared to overlook what I put in it! 'There's something you need to know...' This was a technique that I used with my two assistants at work - Geoff and Janet. I was in a politically sensitive job, and decided that if the news ever did come out, it was better to have my colleagues prepared and on my side. We were all three radical and broad-minded, of similar ages and good friends, but not emotionally close. Geoff's response was: "Oh, is that it? I thought for a moment you were going to say you were having an affair." Janet's reply was to ask me if I wanted any clothes out of her mail order catalogue, and would I help her buy undies for her gay friend as a Christmas present, as I'd have a better eye for his style than she would. 'Oh, that old thing...' This method is one I keep in reserve for more casual acquaintances, where the topic comes up in conversation and admitting to being a TV is no big deal. It depends on the casual throwaway and goes along the lines of : "'Tootsie'? Oh, yes, I really enjoyed it, but you know that it's nothing but showbiz. I didn't think it portrays at all what being a transvestite is like. The only film that really gets us right is 'Just like a Woman'. What me? Oh yes, been one for years. Anyway, I'm a real fan of Dustin Hoffman, but I do think he was far more convincing in 'Rain Man'...."  
  f542_1143.jpg'You're not going to believe this...' Not so much a frequent tactic, more a matter of making a virtue out of a necessity. For instance, there we were on holiday, all dressed up and somewhere to go - it was carnival weekend and we were on our way to watch the parade. Suddenly we realised that Carole had returned home early with the key to the cottage where we were staying. The only duplicate was with the landlady. The only way to get it - drive to her house. The only snag - I was in a sweater and skirt. Well, I thought, as I knocked on the door, it is carnival time... "Bonjour Madame" said her husband, not recognising me silhouetted against the sunlight. I wish now that I'd introduced myself as my own twin sister, to see how long it took him to cotton on, but being an honest soul I said "Come off it Henry" in my deepest baritone. Squeals of delight from him and Anna: "Quick, get the camera!" Afterwards, she told me that the giveaway was that I'd dressed too carefully for it to be just a carnival costume. Crisis of passion A tactic that can only work with good friends. There I was with Maria, discussing business organisation. She was about to leave for a meeting with a client, and was as usual dressed in her professional woman's outfit, an extremely snazzy blue skirt suit with a crisp white blouse. Her make up and hair were impeccable. I heaved a deep sigh and said: "I envy you in that suit". She looked blank. "no really, you look just terrific. I'd love to go out dressed the way you are now". Surprised she was, no doubt, but certainly more flattered than offended. Pardon my bloomers This scenario sounds like something straight out of trannie fiction, but it actually happened to me. I had a rush job on, which I couldn't manage on my home computer. Christine, a colleague, offered to let me work on her machine, but it would mean spending several days in her cottage while she was away at the office. So along I went, and along went a change of clothes in my briefcase. The trouble came (haven't you guessed) when she arrived home an hour earlier than expected and found me in a blouse and skirt, scurrying for the bathroom. Red faces and profuse apologies followed... Now this could have been a disaster, but in fact the upshot was the note she left me the following morning: "Please do not feel bad at all, you did not do anything wrong. I'm glad you felt comfortable in my house! In addition it is none of my business and will stay between us (in case you are worried about that). PS if you want something different, why don't you help yourself in my closet upstairs? Shoes are about all over the place". God bless ladies like Christine. My friend Dominique insists I did it on purpose...... It's all an act Carnival time again, and this year there were so many of us that I refused to cook Sunday lunch for 20, and instead ordered a ready-prepared meal from the delicatessen counter at the local supermarket. It was Saturday morning when I went to pick it up, and I was dressed in my discreetest skirt length and smartest heels. The shop assistant, poor fellow, was out of his depth as he helped me steer the two trolley-loads to the checkout. "This gentleman will be bringing the serving dishes back." he explained to the cashier. "Lady!" I corrected him, "When I ordered the meal on Tuesday I was a gentleman, but for the carnival weekend I'm a lady!" "Sorry Sir" he stammered.... ah well, you can't win them all!  
  f542_1142.jpgDon't look now... In case this list makes it seem that every time I tumble out of the closet I fall on my feet, here's positive proof that you can't win them all. While that same shop assistant had been fetching the goodies from the kitchen, I'd been cruising the shelves for wine and fruit tarts. Five yards away I spot Lynne - a friend, but not somebody I particularly wanted to come out to, at least not in a supermarket on a Saturday morning. Had she seen me? Head she read me? She gave no indication of either, so I played it cool and turned away. It must have been six months later that Lynne, after falling out with me over an entirely different matter, spilled the beans - not to me but to my in-laws! Fortunately, they were already in the know, but the blood runs cold to think of what might have been had they not already known. Alternatively, the blood runs hot to think of Lynne's cheek! Have you read the latest? A major life-change is perhaps a good moment to make a clean breast of things. A case in point was when my in-laws decided to move in next door. There were several reasons why we decided that they ought to be told - after a year or two of openness, I didn't fancy returning to the days when I had to creep around in hiding. And then there was the risk of them finding out from a gossipy neighbour - perhaps I had had a kind of premonition about the 'Lynne incident'. How to break the news? I tackled Stella first. "You know, when you're away in the summer, we'll be letting out the cottage. Well - you should be aware, some of the people who rent it are a bit out of the ordinary. That is to say... it's not so much them as me.. erm.... Look, there's an article in this magazine that explains it". Then I handed over the article about myself, complete with photo. Up went her eyebrows, but she's a game type and took it in her stride. No woman who goes ballooning for her 60th birthday is going to be fazed by a minor detail like seeing her son-in-law in tights. Chicken Out! Nevertheless, I couldn't face up to telling my father-in-law, so I asked Stella if she'd do it for me. She must have told him straight away, there was a slight coolness in his manner when he came round for a drink that evening. After all, this was a guy who's been known to mutter darkly about 'bloody poofters', but as a Freemason he knows a thing or two about wearing funny clothes! He's never actually seen me dressed, but the two of them did buy me a broach the following Christmas. In conclusion So my score so far is about 8 and a half out of 10 - not a bad rating. So what lessons have I learnt? Firstly, most people (even if they discover the truth by accident) do not conform to the 'Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' stereotype. People's responses have ranged from indifference to mild amusement to open-hearted acceptance, but very rarely hostility. The one person who has teased me about it did so so gently that I didn't even notice - until my wife explained later what he'd meant by asking me if I went to Roedean. Secondly, for the most part the people I have come out to have fallen into two categories: those whom I trusted in the first place, or else those whose opinion is fairly irrelevant (such as the man on the delicatessen counter). There's no point in making yourself a hostage to fortune by giving yourself away to anyone you know you can't really trust. Next, almost all the people I've come out to have been women. This is probably not an accident, for several reasons. I feel more at home in women's company than in men's, and I find them less threatening. It may possibly be that they find me less threatening too - perhaps many men who are confronted by an emerging TV will think that he's making a homosexual advance at them, whereas women are less anxious if they imagine I'm gay? Either way, I've found women more positive, men more indifferent. And remember, once you've come out, this doesn't solve all problems. It certainly doesn't provide an excuse for flaunting at every given moment. Confide and be yourself by all means, but never impose.

WHY WE ENVY WOMEN

Views expressed in this article are not necessarily those of Transformation. In our present society there is no room for an intersexed person. Society demands that we be either male or female. This is dictated from the moment of birth when the doctor announces "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!". From this moment on, the infant's fate is sealed and his/her training starts in earnest. The decision is made as to which colour the baby will wear - pink or blue. We call this the pink blanket / blue blanket syndrome. While we agree that SEX is determined by what is between the legs (the method employed by the medical profession), we can't agree that this should automatically determine the infant's GENDER for the rest of its life. The very existence of homosexuals, transsexuals, transvestites and transgenderists proves that nature is far more complicated than that. "Sex" is determined by the visible anatomical organs that a person is born with, and it is impossible to change this sex, in spite of what some doctors might claim. The so-called "sex change" simply leaves a castrated and mutilated male. The man has been provided with an orifice that looks remarkably like a vagina, but of course, it isn't. It is simply a tube closed at its inner end and serves no purpose except to provide an orifice to receive a male penis during intercourse. The breasts of such a man / woman are often made of silicone and are incapable of serving their natural purpose - feeding a baby. It is also impossible for the sex-changed male to conceive a baby, since none of the necessary internal organs, such as ovaries and womb, are present. We believe that many men who have the sex change operation really desire a 'gender change', which can be done without surgery, and for whom surgery may in fact be the worst solution. Gender is invisible. It is in the very soul of each human being. It is the learned behaviour pattern of each individual, described by society as masculine or feminine. Usually there is no conflict between "sex" and "gender". Sex is what you are born with, and gender is the behaviour pattern you are taught. A man's sperm contains two factors. They are called the X and Y sperm cells. A woman's egg contains only female X cells. At the moment of conception, when the man's sperm enters the women's egg in the womb, the sex of the child is determined. It takes X + X to produce a female, and X + Y to produce a male. The foetus contains ALL the necessary information to develop into a boy or a girl. The foetus is asexual until about the 4th month of pregnancy. At this stage, if the child is to be a boy, and this is determined by the presence of the Y factor, the glands which will become the testicles will move towards their natural position. The penis will continue to develop and the gland which would have developed into a womb becomes the male's prostate gland. All this is brought about by hormones secreted at vital stages as a result of the Y factor from the father's sperm. If the child is to become a girl, the same glands which bacame the boy's testicles will remain inside the body and become the ovaries. The womb will continue to develop and the development of the penis is halted, becoming the clitoris. Two facts become clear. First, the sex of the child is determined by the father. Second, there are far fewer differences between men and women than our social order is willing to admit. In fact, men and women are basically the same, except for the reproductive organs and the associated hormones that go with them. But, from the moment of birth, training starts to make the infant behave in a masculine or feminine manner, determined solely on which set of sexual organs happens to be between the legs at birth. The soul of this infant isn't considered at all and it is a matter of "You will do as you're told and not what your nature dictates".  
  f675_1257.jpgBoys will be given toys such as guns, tanks, cars and construction kits, all things which will make him aggressive, competitive and, dare we say it, destructive. It doesn't take a genius to see that children's television shows are also designed to reinforce this attitude among boys. Boys must be tough, and their training is designed to remove any softness or vulnerability, which is regarded as 'sissy'. Girls, on the other hand, are given sewing kits, tea sets, doll's houses and miniature household appliances. Everything designed to ensure that the little girl will grow up into a loving, gentle and caring woman. She is trained to be a mother and housewife, whether she likes it or not. Pity the poor boy who prefers playing with dolls rather than guns! It doesn't matter if being gentle and loving is part of his nature. If he wants to take an interest in his mother's cooking or any other 'feminine pursuits' he will be severely dealt with. Such 'sissy' ideas must be removed from his mind at all costs! 'Tom Boy' behaviour among little girls doesn't seem to draw such drastic corrective measures. In fact, daddy rather likes his tom-boy daughter. But this same daddy will not tolerate any sissy behaviour from his son - in fact, he will be utterly disgusted. We believe the term 'sissy' should enjoy the same status as 'Tom Boy'. This would be a start in correcting our hopelessly confused social training process, the classic situation in which the only acceptable interests for men seem to be sport, drink and cars - women, on the other hand, are expected to be interested only in babies, cake recipes and gossip. This situation is graphically illustrated at parties. Man and wife arrive together but immediately seperate to join male or female groups. And why should hubby and wife stay together? They don't even speak the same language! Men feel that women will only spoil their fun and women feel that men will stifle their conversation. Men stand on one side with their beers, talking about who will win the football, while the women gossip and watch anxiously how many drinks their husbands are having. Women readers will say: "But men don't have to be that way!". You are right. But unless a man wishes to be a social outcast, he will behave like that. Our social order demands it. I suspect that many men would prefer to join in the female gossip, talking about fashion or hair styles, but wouldn't dare.The fear of being called a sissy is too great! Women have long been fighting for their rights - these include whether to have children or not, equal pay and the right to dress as they please. This has resulted in women moving into what were previously exclusively masculine domains, competing with men for the top jobs and salaries that go with them. The truth is that women are winning the 'battle of the sexes'. Many job categories have been taken over by women. Take, for example, public relations. Who wants to deal with a balding or grey-headed man in a suit when they can have an attractive woman, stylishly dressed with beautiful hair to represent them? Other fields where the same thing is happening are advertising and estate agents. In every job where appearance is important you'll find a woman. Women make the best sales persons. Even the motor trade will realise this soon.  
  f675_1259.jpgWomen take the trouble to groom themselves, to look young, beautiful, vibrant and alive. Men, on the other hand, cannot use make-up to improve their appearance. They don't use creams on their faces to keep the aging process at bay. Their fashions are often, to say the least, dull. Men have to be satisfied with what they were born with. Women are now moving strongly into engineering, electronics, architecture and the medical profession. It is now a fact that women make better drivers, pilots and doctors. All this is proving to be a tremendous threat to men. The advertising profession is breaking down the male ego by depicting him as a useless, idiotic buffoon. In television advertising you find it is the man who makes a mess of things and the woman who comes to the rescue. A lot of television programs follow the same theme. Imagine a little boy seeing all these television programmes. He will model himself on the parent he most admires. Even if his father is a strong personality, that may not be enough to convince him that maleness is the preferred role. If the father is weak the boy has no choice but to model himself on his mother and those beautiful, successful females he sees on television. Here you have the beginnings of gender confusion. The boy either accepts his indoctrination and the social order as it is or he fights it. If he fights it, he either becomes homosexual (because he fears female domination) or he joins the ranks of women. This usually means he becomes a fetishist, a transvestite, a transgenderist or a transsexual. In any of these cases the man will find himself loving and envying women their relaxed and indeed, lately, elevated social status. Today our entire social order is geared towards the likes and dislikes of women. It has become a matter of social survival for men. At this point it might be useful to give a breakdown of the various related cross dressing activities to show where transgenderism fits in. Fetishism Fetishists are attracted, mostly, to feminine underwear, high-heeled shoes and stockings. Sometimes they steal women's underwear from washing lines and shops. For them, the wearing of feminine clothing is solely a stimulant for sexual gratification. This sexual release could be by masturbation or with an understanding female partner. Both partners will behave in a typically heterosexual manner with intercourse taking place in the usual fashions. The fetishist, by his very behaviour, accumulates a lot of guilty feelings, which normally cause stress releated problems later in life. From the fetish stage it is a very short step for a male to want to dress in a completely feminine costume. At first, it is usuzlly out of curiosity "just to see what I look like". Then he discovers he likes what he sees in the mirror. The next stage occurs when the man enjoys what he is doing so much that he starts toying with the idea of going out in public dressed as a woman. Now the transvestite will start to look at his appearance critically for the first time. He will note where he needs to improve in order to pass as a woman in public, probably buy a wig, learn the art of applying make-up through fashion amgazines (or his wife or girlfirend if she is willing to play along) and will learn which styles of dresses, skirts, blouses and shoes will best suit his figure. If successful in perfecting an acceptable feminine appearance he will venture out i public in a very limited way. At this stage the sexual element in the man's dressing decreases and he becomes more conscious of the feminine side of his nature. However, he is still very much a male and will pursure his normal manly interests such as sport and drinking sessions with his friends. In fact, he often overcompensates and becomes aggressively macho. Only at infrequent times will his feminine element come to the fore and demand his attention.  
  f675_1260.jpgThe next stage creeps up on the transvestite in a very subtle fashion. He finds himself envying the world of women, the wide selection of clothing and accessories available to them and their freedom in not having to wear a wig or 'falsies'. The real changes start when he develops a strong desire for a more feminine figure to "hang his clothes on", in particular to posess his own breasts. By then he has usually resorted to shaving his legs and arms, and may even have begun to get his beard removed by electrolysis or plucking. In his search for help he is vulnerable to traditional medical dogma which, through ignorance, tries to convinve him to either quit or else have a sex change. Neither are what he really needs or wants. He now becomes very dissatisfied with the masculine gender role. He will embark on a course of feminising himself as far a possible, including the taking of female hormones if he can find himself a willing and understanding doctor. He has not turned his back on his male side, he has merely changed priorites, wanting to live as a woman while remaining a male. He / she will be living as a woman at every possible opportunity, resenting the occasions when he / she has to dress as a man. Sexual attraction and release, however, remain heterosexual. There are no signs of homosexuality, although some transgenderists may call themselves male lesbians. It is possible that he / she will undergo the first stages of a sex change - breast implants, removal of the testicles, but these acts are gender motivated in order to feminise the body as mouch as possible, and not sexually motivated. This is usually the point at which the true transgenderist comes to terms with what it is possible to accomplish. He / she is usually living as a woman full time by now and has had to sacrifice a certain portion of 'his' sex life. Any further operations can only be sexually motivated. Transsexual This group can usually be differentiated from the preceding cases by a strong desire for an active sex life in which they wish to be the recipient of the male organ and need the necessary equipment. The transsexual will deny any allegation of homosexuality as he regards himself as a female trapped in the wrong body. This is the fundamental difference between a transgenderist and a transsexual. The transgenderist desires a gender change, but his sexual interests remain the same as any normal male's; the transsexual wants sexual relations with men. Only a small percentage of men who have the sex change operation are truly satisfied. They will never be able to bear children and will always wonder if there are traces of their previous manhood left. And there usually are.  
  f675_1261.jpgFemale Transgenderists Women have the freedom to dress as they like, cut their hair short or long, and to wear make-up or not. Women's liberation has bought them their freedom. Men, on the other hand, are expected to be coarse and loud and act as if they are devoid of love, tenderness and compassion. They are forever on their guard against anything that could put their manhood in doubt. The transgenderist has, through his earlier femme experiences, discovered freedom while playing in the feminine gender role and will move mountains to keep it. He knows only too well that such freedom will not come to all men in his lifetime. We need a thorough study into the needs of the transgenderist. These include: Hormone Therapy- As any good doctor knows, this should not be done without the strictest supervision. But since there are so many doctors with 'moral' objections, many TGs buy hormone tablets in the black market. Beard Removal- Unfortunately most TGs can't afford it. Most countries refuse to do the operation until beard removal is complete. Breast Implants- Most transgenderists suffer extreme breast envy. It makes a feminine appearance much more convincing as hormone-induced breasts are not always sufficient. Removal of the Testes- This often becomes necessary to stop the internal war between the natural male hormones and artificial female hormones. Removal of the testes allows the female hormones to do their work more efficiently and improves the feminine appearance dramatically. Job Opportunities- Vital if the transgenderist is to survive financially. Most transgenderists are still qualified to do the jobs they did as males. But, owing to ignorance, he will probably be fired by his employer. Government workers are often forced to resign from their jobs. The Americans have found, much to their surprise, that since they started helping men achiev 'she-male' status, the demand for complete sex change operations has dropped by 30%. Similar experiences have been found by some South African plastic surgeons. This is proof that there are more transgenderists than transexuals. All that transgenderists are asking for is: Freedom to live with our wives and families in peace The privilege of having a job and earning a living The right to be human andf have the same feelings and sentiments as other people. We too can be hurt Acknowledgement of our existence and a place in society so that we too can have happiness and peace Conclusions The transgenderist faces unique problems which should not be likened to those of the TS. There appears to be plenty of help and understanding for transsexuals but absolutely nothing for the transgenderist. In fact, many in the medical community do not even acknowledge their existence. It seems to us that so long as the medical people insist on naming 'sex' as the motive for transgenderism, they will not begin to understand the condition. They must first understand that the condition is socially motivated. Views expressed in this article are not necessarily those of Transformation.

WILL THEY STILL LOVE ME AFTER I TELL THEM?   Why Should I Tell? bel 10Guilt. If you have not achieved self-acceptance you may carry a great burden of guilt for a variety of reasons. You may feel badly about keeping a secret from your partner or family. It's lying by omission. So, you may decide to tell to alleviate feelings of guilt. Self-Image. At the personal level, you may have very a poor self-image, low self-esteem. These feelings may come from "messages" sent by a partner or family members that you (as a TV) are "bad" or "unworthy" of love. So, you may decide to tell to help your self-esteem. Isolation. At one time or another, you probably thought you were the only person in the world who crossdressed. You may still have immense feelings of loneliness and desperation. So, you may tell because you want to end the isolation. Freedom. Let's say you've found a local support group, but since your family doesn't know about your activities, you are not free to explore your gender issues. So, you may want to tell so you can have more freedom to explore and express yourself. Or, believe it or not, many times a CD will come to the end of a business career and find he's faced with the prospect of being home with his partner all the time. No more business trips! No more freedom. So, you may decide to tell in order to retain your freedom to dress. Accidental Discovery. Perhaps your family has accidentally discovered your crossdressing and they're making all sort of wild assumptions. So, you may have to tell in order to do some damage control, correct misinformation, and calm many fears.  
  1565When & How You Should Tell When - As soon as possible. Research shows that the longer you wait, the more negative the reaction. Ideally, tell before you get married, after that there is no "best" time. When you tell, your goal should be understanding of your need to express this part of you, not force acceptance. The setting should be intimate & private. You are going to deliver information, so have it ready. Don't flood them with too much information. Stop and wait for questions. Be prepared to stop completely if the reaction is shock. How - Use positive terms. Don't say you have a "problem." Rather say, "I have something to share with you." Tell dressed in your regular clothes. Don't show up crossdressed. If they want to see what you look like, have a photo handy. I don't know the TV that doesn't have a photo of themselves dressed. Have quality info available. Don't use a TV magazine with personals, not even Tapestry or older issues of LadyLike with Personals. The presence of Personal Ads is a definite negative. Use Chrysalis, Cross-Talk, Coping With Crossdressing, or My Husband Wears My Clothes. Suggest seeing a qualified counselor for impartial answers to difficult questions. Don't try to be an expert. Suggest talking to a partner or family member of another CD, if you have access to a support group. Discuss limits: where and when crossdressing is acceptable both privately and publicly; the role of crossdressing in the bedroom; and whether to tell others, including children, other family members and friends. Discuss the extent your partner is willing to participate in your crossdressing activities.  
  Some Things You Need to Understand I've often heard it said that crossdressing doesn't hurt anyone. That's true only if you are single and have no family. Otherwise, because we co-exist with other family members, our behavior does have an effect on them, both perceived and real. You need to understand some of the family issues involved. Guilt by Association. There are social repercussions to consider. How many families want to be associated with a person society considers mentally ill and a pervert? Friendships can be lost. Children can be teased unmercifully. The family becomes outcast. This can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness and anger at the crossdresser. We like to think that our society is more enlightened than that today, but, sadly, it's just not true. Loss of Income. Many families fear economic reprisals if the crossdressing is discovered. This is not an unreasonable fear. In many job situations, the discovery of crossdressing behavior may be cause, however unjustified, for dismissal. Sexual Orientation. Families that discover a crossdresser among them often question the person's sexual orientation. A lot of ignorance surrounds homosexuality still and questions of promiscuity are likely to come up and that brings up STDs. Some families will wonder if the crossdresser is really a transsexual who will want genital reconstruction. Loss of Intimacy. Crossdressing can be a narcissistic, selfish behavior. Often a CD will become so engrossed in crossdressing that he begins to neglect the public and private social aspects of the family. Extraordinary amounts of time, energy, and, frequently, money are spent developing an alter-ego. Self-Esteem Partners can react to crossdressing from a sense of lowered self-esteem. They immediately ask, "What have I done wrong? What is wrong with me?" They immediately blame themselves for the behavior. It doesn't matter that the transvestism was set in motion years before they met, they "know" it's their fault. Partners who react this way usually feel negatively about themselves to begin with and they transfer the "guilt" of the behavior to themselves. Competition. A partner or family member also may feel they have to "compete" with the crossdresser. They may be threatened if the CD looks convincingly like the opposite sex. Consider the damage done to a partner's ego if his/her spouse looks more like the opposite sex than he/she does.  
  What Reactions Can You Expect? I don't know of any marriage that ended because crossdressing was the single issue. Usually there are many problems in a relationship and the crossdressing just pushes it over the edge. If you have a good, loving, respectful relationship with your partner and family, they will try to understand you and your needs. Acceptance: Sometimes family will express complete and total acceptance of crossdressing behavior. This may be due to a knowledge gained from a past personal experience, or because of a sincere belief that all people should be entitled to express themselves in any non-destructive manner. A family of this type may realize that many of the good qualities about the crossdresser are due to their transgendered nature. Some may families react mildly to the need to crossdress, recognizing that the behavior is unusual but generally harmless, if managed properly. Initial acceptance or at least a willingness to learn and understand is often misinterpreted by the transvestite as total acceptance. At the opposite end of the response scale, the family unequivocally cannot accept the crossdressing behavior. Telling lies and keeping secrets from family and friends is too high a price to ask from some people. In response to this burden, a family may try to coerce the crossdresser to give it up with a threat of separation or even public exposure. Despite their best intentions, transvestites cannot "Just Say No" to crossdressing. A complete rejection can and will eventually dissolve the relationship, unless both parties work toward a compromise.

 Reactions

Cartoon: two female figures in a bar, and one says to the other "You're a transvestite aren't you? I like that in a man." The funny thing is, it happens all the time, only it's usually another man who who says that to us. Yes I know the standard formula: "Just because I like wearing frocks, it doesn't mean I'm gay. Under this sequined boob-tube beats a heart as heterosexual as John Wayne's. The proof is, I love women so much that I want to be like them...." And I have no doubt that the Woman magazine's national survey on men's sexuality was right when, a few years ago, it found that the proportion of gay men among TVs was not greatly different than among the nation at large. Only... There is a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that this is not the end of the story. Picture the scenario: There you are on a Saturday night at the bar of your favourite club. You have chosen that red silk blouse and the black velvet skirt that just skims your knees. Nail varnish, 'Bet Lynch' earrings, red heels. The leg shaving alone took you forty minutes to perfect. Be honest now, this is not a get-up in which you expect to be discussing the chances of Arsenal for the cup and league double. You are not about to seriously chat up that smart piece of stuff in the corner. No, you are there with the intension of passing as an even smarter piece of stuff yourself, and getting chatted up in your turn. I remember the first time it happened to me. A lad who looked about fifteen asked me: "Haven't I seen you here before?" and like a twerp I reacted to this as a serious request for information, It only dawned on me later that this was the classic chat-up, the social equivalent of pawn to king four. Nowadays I know what to expect. Delicate And what to expect is not to receive advances from a gay man. This is to say, not a delicate creature with limp wrists and a job in interior design, nor a Burt Lancaster look-alike with white tee-shirt, white jeans and a droopy moustache. The first one hasn't existed since Julian and Sandy on 'Round the Horne', and the second will be too busy searching for another Burt Lancaster look-alike to give you a second glance. Hadn't you realised that gay men aren't actually interested in anyone in skirts? It is quite possible to sit for hours in a gay bar and not be spoken to by anyone other than the barman, and then only to overcharge you for the drink. No, this is where the social interaction between TVs and the real world gets very interesting. There are two common reactions in my experience, one from women and the other from not-really gay men. From women, it is very common to be earnestly and sympathetically interviewed on what you're doing, what makes you tick, whether you do it 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and (as the evening wears on and the conversation becomes more intimate) how you manage to hide it, you know, 'it'. The reactions will be fascinated, encouraging, but always never sexual. There may be some swapping of hints on make-up, and even swapping of wigs and boobs- well, not swapping exactly (dream on!) but touching and trying. But all this will remain at the technical level. At the end of the evening she will go off with the fella she arrived with, who has been spending this time getting in his ration of lager and smiling self-confidently to himself. This is not to say that conversations of this kind are a waste of time. On the contrary they can lead to beautiful friendships, and every tranny can use all the friends she can get. I know a lesbian couple who are great fun for an evening out the town, and wouldn't we all like a big sister to show us the ropes, go shopping with us and let us know when our slips are showing? But to expect it get much further than that is wishful thinking. This leaves us with the other group of acquaintances we might expect to strike up - the fellas.  
  Handsome Let's consider first the romantic scenario of the handsome young concert pianist on his evening off, who mistakes you for a front-page model and whisks you off to the Maldives on his private jet. It may happen, and even as I write a winged porcine has just gone soaring past the window.... The reality, in my experience is rather different. There was Mike, a burly Irish textile salesman in an attrocious emerald green cardigan. Married, he told me, and as befits a good Catholic, father of five. "Er, let me get this right, now. You are a man, yes? And you're dressed as a woman?" Nothing if not perceptive, our Mike. "This is very interesting, what you're doing. D'you see, this sort of thing doesn't exist in Ireland." (He clearly didn't know about the Dublin-based Friends of Eon) "How do you mean?" I asked. "Well, er, ho....er, ho...sexuality." There, the word was out, and I could spot the way the conversation would soon be turning. Did I know I was a very attractive woman? How would I like to go back with him to his hotel room...? Henri, at the fancy dress ball in France, was far more debonair with his goatee beard and corsair looks - no, not an eye patch, but the kind of creased face that comes from living fifty years on a windy coast. He spotted me across the dancefloor while I was still sipping my first glass of dutch courage, grinned and pointed at me knowingly. Within seconds he was whisking me away in a tango, oblivious of the fact that I couldn't dance a step of it. Several dances and several glasses full of courage later, he sat down beside me and began: "Mais, est-ce que vous etes vraiment une femme?" - but are you really a woman? "What do you think," I asked him in my deepest baritone. The third one was Dave, and here I began to suspect a pattern designed by fate. Dave was a lorry driver from Wolverhampton who must have thought it was his birthday when this blonde in the pub gave a cheeky smile and said that yes, the seat next to him was free. A few sentences into the conversation, and his delighted grin began to waver. "Er, excuse me for asking this, but you are a woman aren't you?" "This evening I am, yes." "Ah, good." And then the double-take. Really, Dave was well out of his depth. My voice was rather deep? Because of my cold, I explained. "But you have very feminine hands," he assured me. Or was he trying to reassure himself? At any rate, alongside Dave's great shovels, even Mike Tyson might have been said to have feminine hands. So, what was the pattern that I saw emerging? That I seem to attract rugged middle-aged men? Ah, well, mustn't grumble: I'm no longer in my first flush of youth myself. No, it's not that. It's firstly that all these three, so far as I could judge from what they told me, were full-blooded heterosexuals and yet they went for me. Am I so utterly convincing? No way. Because all three of them, at a certain point in the conversation asked the crucial question: am I or aren't I a woman? Now this is not a question that real girls get asked. No man seriously in search of a partner for the evening asks the lady he's dancing with if she is really a woman (he might ask if she's really a lady, but that's another issue....). It seems a calculated way to get a slap across the face and a stiletto in your instep. No, the very fact that they dared put the question meant that deep down they already know the answer. And yet, when given an honest reply and modest proof, they all three pursued the bedroom sales patter. It seems to me that there are two things happening here. One is the astonishing way in which the human mind is influenced by sensory input from the eyes in far greater proportion than from the logic centres of the brain. "He'd try to get off with a lamp-post if you put a skirt on it", the old saying goes, and it seems to be entirely true that, with a modicum of snazzy dressing and careful make-up, even the least feminine of us can create a visual impression that overwhelms some men's sense of reason.  
  Artificial If this is what you're looking for, I can recommend the combined effect of strongly contrasting colours (especially red and black), lots of serious hair (blonde but not peroxide) and red high heels. All of this amounts to what is known to anthropologists as a Supernormal Stimulus. "A supernormal stimulus is one that exceeds its natural counterpart," writes Desmond Morris in Manwatching. He explains how man 'can improve on his own physical features in many ways' and can similarly 'supernormalise' the world around him by artificial means. "If he wishes to improve his height, he can wear high-heeled shoes: if he wishes to improve the smoothness of his skin, he can wear cosmetics..... There is no end to the many ways in which he has amplified his body-signals as a means of improving his sexual displays...." True, when Morris writes of 'man' he means humankind and not males, but the relevance to transvestism is striking. All this might explain why Mike, Henri and Dave were fooled for a moment or two by the sight of a fancy hairdo or an off-the-shoulder dress. But I have known other men for example who have invited me to dance, and then left me standing on the dancefloor a moment or two later once they discovered their mistake, with a shake of the head and a muttered "No, I can't take this". What made our three examples persevere? Were they totally sex-starved? This seems unlikely, since in two of the three cases there were plenty of Real Girls in the immediate vicinity, and even Mike could have chosen a different club to stroll into on a Wednesday night in Manchester. No, it seems evident to me that on occasions we TVs act as a safety valve for men who are tempted by the idea of homosexuality but without being turned on by the physical appearance of other men. What drives these what one might call 'crypto-gays'? Not, I think, any kind of intellectual leaning towards homosexuality, as it is sometimes claimed by the critics of open-speaking on gay issues. These critics argue that the media hype about homosexuality will persuade otherwise straight men (or children, as this phobia is often directed against gay teachers) off the straight and narrow. I gained no impression that any of the three men I described had made up their minds that they ought to try gender-bending and had hunted me down as their excuse. No, their inclination, so far as I could tell, was a genuinely emotional and physical one. Perhaps more than their more conventional colleagues and more than many writers on the subject, they had realised that the strict categorisation of male/female, gay/straight, simply does not match reality. We all know the kind of psychological author who attempts to divide humanity into clearly defined types (yes, all 6,000 million of us). The truth is that these boundaries are mental constructs - they do not exist in the real world, but have been made up by humans. Forbidden The reason may be religious. The ancient Jews had a mania for categorising and then keeping the categories seperate that went far beyond the well-known meat/milk duality. It was for instance forbidden to mix linen and wool in the same garment, a law that appears only a few lines below the well-known verse forbidding a man to put on a woman's dress or vice versa. (Deuteronomy 22). It's curious, don't you think, that those who argue against transvestism on religious grounds don't get equally het up about polyster-cotton sheets...? Or else the reasons may stem from a human need for security, to have things cut and dried, to know where one stands. Maturity, it is said, is the ability to live with ambiguity: by that standard there are a good many immature people around. Whatever the cause, Mike, Henri and Dave seem to have overcome the straitjacket of conventional categories and surprised themselves in the process. "I don't usually do this sort of thing you know...." I suppose we trannies must be good for something!